Page 37 of Santa Has a Six-Pack
“Yeah, there’s no way in hell I’m letting you repeat that.” Penny’s eyes widen. “Who are you right now? You file for divorce, and suddenly, you’re this saucy, foul-mouthed matchmaking comedian?”
Wait. Is Keira trying to match me with Penny?
“For the record,” I chime in, “I didn’t say I wanted to ride your tight-ass ship. Just that I suspect you’d run a tight-ass ship. It was an attempted compliment.”
“Thank you?” Penny says with a question in her voice. “Though I think it’s best if we drop the topic of my ‘ass ship’ altogether.”
I hold my hands up. “Done.”
Penny looks at Keira with wide eyes, still waiting for her to explain herself.
Keira sighs. “My apologies to you both.” Keira looks between Penny and me. “I guess I’m feeling liberated these days.”
“And I fully support you, friend,” Penny says, “but could you maybe direct your future acts of liberation inward instead of onto me?”
Keira nods seriously. “Yes. I can do that.” She pauses. “At least I think I can do that. Can I do that?” She turns her attention to Gene and me. “Anyway! Great work today, guys. I need to run home and check on my turkey. I’ll see you tomorrow at our first lap event!”
“We gotta stop calling it a lap event,” Penny grumbles.
“Actually!” I shout as Keira’s walking away. “I told Eugene here he’s dismissed from further elf duties, so it’ll just be me tomorrow.”
Keira stops in her tracks. “Oh.”
Is it me, or does she seem disappointed by this?
One glance at Eugene’s face tells me he clocked her reaction as well.
Keira schools her features and says cheerily, “Well, bye forever then, Eugene! Unless maybe I see you at Bossfit for another Penny and Matt workout session!”
“Yes! Let’s plan on that!” Eugene smiles warmly.
“How ’bout let’s not!” Penny shoots a playful finger gun at Keira. “Will you please go check your turkey before you sign me up for anything else without my consent?”
Keira winces, and with an apologetic salute, she exits the tent.
“Sorry,” Penny says to me. “The workout the other day was… interesting. Just ultimately not for me.”
“Understood.” I nod.
Eugene zips up his winter coat and juts a thumb toward the exit. “If it’s cool, I’m gonna head up to the heights now.”
“Thank you, Eugene,” Penny says. “I’ll speak with accounts first thing Monday morning and get you a stipend for your help today.”
He waves her off. “No stipend necessary. Though if Herald’s is game, we’re always grateful for a Bossfit shout-out on social media.”
She smiles. “I’ll run it by Keira. I’m sure we can make that happen.”
“Great.” He slings his backpack over his shoulder and points at me. “See you in an hour?”
“Yeah, man. See you in an hour.” I shout to his retreating back, “Don’t let anyone give you shit about your costume on the subway.”
He lifts a fist in the air and exits the tent.
Penny and I stand staring at each other for a moment.
“Can I walk you out?” I break the silence.
“Uh… sure.” She hesitates. “Yeah. Why not?”
