Page 31 of Santa Has a Six-Pack
“Truth be told, I’m more of a boxers kind of guy, but…”
I did not need to know that.
“But what?”
Why am I encouraging this discussion to go further?
“But, I’m not opposed to wearing panties if that’s something you’d?—”
“Weird!” Eugene is suddenly beside us. “Dude, you’re so weird. And getting weirder by the day! Penny, I apologize on behalf of my friend.”
“Come on!” Matt says. “Weird is good. Right?”
He locks eyes with me, silent as he waits for my answer.
“Generally, yes.” I sigh. “Weird is good.”
And I mean that. I’ll take weird over typical any day. I thought I had this guy instantly figured out. I thought he was like all the other egotistical fitness dude bros I’ve known. But he keeps surprising me. He is hella weird, that’s for sure. But I’m starting to think that’s not such a bad thing.
I continue, “Keep your panties to yourself, though, okay?”
“As you wish, madam.” Matt winks, then gets back to business. “Alright, so we don’t like the word debrief. Can we have a post-workout discussion? Real quick before you go?”
I take a deep breath and say, “Sure.”
“Great. Have a seat in my office, will you?”
He gestures to his ‘office,’ which is two jump boxes and a ‘table’ made from a stack of tires and a piece of plywood.
I take a seat, and he launches right into what I can only imagine is his usual spiel.
“Alright. I lied to you before. That wasn’t a simple workout we just did. It’s a tough one. Angela to be exact.”
“Who is Angela?” I ask.
“The workout,” he says.
“I’m not following…”
“Oh, sorry. A lot of our Bossfit workouts are named after women,” he explains.
“Like hurricanes?” I ask.
“Exactly. Angela is a real bitch, so don’t be surprised if you experience some DOMS in the next day or two.”
“DOMS?”
“Oh. Sorry again. DOMS stands for Delayed Onset Muscle Soreness.”
“So why don’t you just say that?”
“DOMS is catchier.” He shakes his head at himself. “I’ll be honest, I’m usually better at on-ramping people for their first session. Guess I’m a little off my game today.” He clears his throat. “Anyway, some of my clients report a ring of fire sensation around their upper thighs after the amount of squats you did today. So be ready for that.”
“Can’t wait,” I sass.
“Yeah, it’s fun! Gives you that ‘wow, I really worked out’ feeling. Got a foam roller at home?”
“A foam what?”
