Page 26 of Santa Has a Six-Pack
“Yeah, Penny. She’s single… you’re single…” Eugene hesitates. “At least I think she is. Is she single?”
“No idea. Not interested either way. Totally not my type.”
Eugene scoffs.
“What was that?” I ask.
“It’s the sound I make when I hear some bullshit. Penny’s not your type? Okay.”
He scoffs a second time.
“Will you stop doing that? You sound like you’re choking on a hairball.” I peek out the window again, where the women are still deep in discussion. “Sure, she’s pretty to look at, but she’s the last kind of woman I want to get involved with.”
“And what kind of woman is that?”
“The judge-y kind,” I say. “The uptight kind. The ‘I-wear-designer-suits-at-all-times’ kind. She’s all about keeping up appearances.”
“Wow. Who’s being judge-y now?”
“It’s just obvious she comes from money.”
“You have no idea if that’s true. But even if it is, that says nothing about who she is as a person.”
“Maybe not. But history tells me to steer clear.”
“I’m no psychologist,” Eugene says. “But do you think it’s possible that maybe you’re allowing your experience with your mom and dad to color the way you perceive people? I mean, Penny seems like a solid person and —”
“Oh my god, it looks like Father Christmas took a dump on this place!” Penny’s voice fills the space.
Eugene and I turn and find the two women looking at my—admittedly—epic holiday decorations.
Keira looks delighted.
Penny? Not so much.
“See?” I whisper to Eugene. “Judgy.”
“Welcome to Bossfit Brooklyn, ladies!” Eugene says, putting on his best hosting voice.
“Is it typical to decorate gyms for Christmas? This much?” Penny asks, her disdain clear.
“It is for a guy who wants to go ‘balls deep into Christmas!’” Eugene continues.
“Gene?” I laugh good-naturedly. “Simmer down, will ya?”
“What? That’s literally what you said. You walked into the gym last Friday and said, “Gene. I’ve decided: I’m going balls deep into Christmas this year.”
“You don’t go ‘balls deep’ into Christmas every year?” Penny asks.
“No. I don’t.”
“So why this year?”
“Careful, Penny. With you asking me questions about myself, I might get the idea that you’re interested in me.”
“I am,” she says.
“You are?”
