Page 122 of Santa Has a Six-Pack
And she’s holding a tiny newborn baby.
Chapter 34
Penny
“You’re smiling,” Banks says as she walks into her living room in a very odd way.
It’s late in the afternoon on Christmas Eve, and I’ve been curled up on the couch with my new niece while my sister took a much-needed nap and shower.
“Of course I’m smiling,” I coo to the little bundle in my arms. “I’m holding the most beautiful baby girl in the world, aren’t I? Yes, yes, I am.” I turn to my sister. “But hey, um, why are you walking like that?”
“You’d be waddling too if you pushed a nearly ten-pound baby out of your hoo-hah Sunday night and were now sporting a frozen adult diaper.”
“You’re wearing a frozen adult diaper?” My nose scrunches.
“You bet I am. With witch hazel sprinkled on it. It’s fucking fantastic.” She eases herself onto the sofa. “But back to why you’re really smiling. Spill.”
“I am smiling because of my precious little niece, and… because Matt and I had a nice text exchange last night.”
“Nice?” She cocks her head to the side. “It was nice?”
“Yeah, it was nice,” I say defensively.
What’s she getting at?
“Sister, we don’t have time for nice! We need you two to ditch ‘nice’ and get back to banging under the Christmas tree!”
“You get sassier after you give birth,” I say. “Did you know that?”
“So I’ve been told,” she says after a long sip of her water. “Something about the energy of life thundering through one’s loins and literally pressing a human being into its slippery existence cuts through the proverbial crap, ya know?”
I laugh. “I’ll take your word for it.”
My sister was set to be induced at the end of the month, but this little girl in my arms clearly had different plans. When I got Banks’s text right at the end of the kids’ holiday show, saying she was in labor, I had no choice but to immediately catch a train to Connecticut.
Thankfully, I made it to the hospital in plenty of time and witnessed my sister being an absolute rock star. Somewhere between her contractions, giving birth, and getting settled with the baby at home, Banks managed to pull the whole story out of me about how Matt and I came together and how we eventually fell apart. She had—shall we say—strong feelings that I need to make things right with him, especially after I bailed on our post-show discussion with no explanation.
I worried that he might have already given up on me. But once the baby bliss had settled a bit, I decided to test the waters, sending Matt a quick apology and a photo of me with my new niece.
He responded instantly with a series of rapid-fire texts.
Matt: What a beautiful girl. (The baby is cute, too). Congrats to you and the whole family. And Merry Christmas, Pennywise. My greatest wish for the new year is you.
Matt: Wait. Do people make wishes for the new year?
Matt: No. They make resolutions for the new year.
Matt: My greatest resolution for the new year is you.
Matt: That made no sense. Basically, I miss you. I meant it with all my heart when I said I love you, and I absolutely want to work things out and be with you. But if that’s not what you want, I will still be here for you, as your friend. You know where to find me if or when you’re ready to talk. Over and out.
Matt: Sorry I said over and out. I’m voice dictating these texts because my hands are full at the gym. Over and out.
Matt: Damnit, there’s no hope for me. Over and out.
That man always knows how to crack me up.
I took a moment, got brave, and sent off my wish for the new year.
