Page 116 of Santa Has a Six-Pack
I choke on the word special.
Because I thought we could be something special too.
“Deep breaths, honey, deep breaths,” Dottie coaches.
I don’t take her advice. I just keep rattling on. “That was after he brought me the most delicious meal for two because he didn’t want me to be alone and working on Thanksgiving. He stayed up late on the phone with me, listening to me talk about my messed-up family. He created a workout named after me. He brought me into his super weird/super beautiful little kids’ holiday pageant and helped me recover my love of dance and choreography. He took me to Connecticut to see my parents and gave them a piece of his mind when they didn’t treat me right. He’s– he’s– he’s?—”
“He’s amazing,” Keira says softly.
I lock eyes with her. “He is,” I say. “He’s amazing. And I’ve lost him.”
“Geezuz,” Dottie says. “Where the hell have I been? Have I been a terrible friend lately, all wrapped up in my own romance?”
“No,” I wave a hand at her. “You’ve been happy and in love. That’s what I want for you. How are things with Leo?”
“Not the time, cutie. We’re talking about you right now.”
“This is my fault. Isn’t it?” Keira asks, sitting beside me.
“No.” I shake my head. “Of course not.”
“Eugene got in touch with me the other day. I told him everything. It was… uncomfortable to say the least. But maybe I deserved that. I’m sorry, Penn. Telling you not to tell Matt, that was… Well, I never should have put you in that position. I never should have dragged you into my mess.”
“Hey.” I place a hand on top of hers. “I’m fine. You didn’t ask for the mess. I’m so sorry for what you and the kids are going through. And you’re my girl. I don’t regret keeping your confidence. Not for a second. I’ve always got your back. Okay?”
“I love you Penn-Penn.”
“I love you too.”
We hug each other tight, just as a knock sounds on the conference room door.
Dottie opens it a crack, and the last person I expect to see is on the other side.
“Hey, Dot,” he says. “Is uh– Is Penny in there?”
Dottie opens the door fully to reveal Matt, still in his Santa suit, looking as handsome and charming as ever.
When his eyes connect with mine, something shifts in my breathing. Where it was choppy and labored before, it suddenly smooths out.
It’s uncanny how my body instantly relaxes whenever he’s near me.
“Hi,” I say softly.
“Hey, you,” he breathes. “Can we talk?”
“Yeah,” I say. “Yes. Just… not here.”
Dottie and Keira’s gazes ping pong between us as we awkwardly navigate whatever these next steps might be.
Matt juts his thumb away from the conference room. “Do you want to go outside or…”
“No, I?—”
“We should leave you two alone,” Dottie says, inching toward the door.
“No, please,” I say to Dottie and Keira. “Stay.”
The truth is that I’m not ready to talk to Matt. There’s so much I need to say to him, but I’m not sure how I want to say it yet. And I’m terrified of messing things up even more than they already are.
