Page 69 of Bringing Home the Bacon
“No,” he says. “Not until you tell me what’s going on.”
“Oh, so now you control where I go and what I do?” I snap.
“What?” He lowers his hands from my shoulders. His voice softens to a near whisper. “When have I ever tried to control you?”
I shake my head. “You haven’t. It’s not you. It’s me.”
“Did you really just say ‘it’s not you, it’s me’?”
I’ve let myself get so caught up in you, but still, I’ve let myself.
I finally allow myself to look into his eyes.
They’re awash in confusion.
I feel terrible.
This isn’t his fault.
But I know what I need to do.
He waits patiently for me to say something. I take a few moments to breathe. To gather my wits about me. Finally, I speak.
“I think I need to spend some time away from you.”
He laughs. “Ha, good one.”
“I’m serious.”
His eyes narrow. “Where in the world is this coming from?”
“There are just some things I need to accomplish before the babies are born and the restaurant officially opens.”
“Great.” He reaches out and strokes my hair. “What are they? We’ll accomplish them together.”
“I don’t want to accomplish them together. I need to be alone.”
I see the moment panic rises in his body. “Colleen. Is everything okay? Are you and the babies okay?”
“Yes. We’re great. I just—There’s so much going on, and—I need some time to focus. On myself. In my whole life, I’ve never taken the time to truly focus on myself.”
“And you can’t focus on yourself with me?”
“No.” I breathe. “I can’t.”
He stares out the window at the families happily eating the ice cream we taught them how to make. Alex’s dog, Trixie, and Sam’s dog, Gomer, lie lazily on the grass, letting playful children stroke their fur. Gran tells an animated story to three older gentlemen who seem utterly smitten by her charms. My siblings laugh and joke with the many friendly Fork Lickers who came out to support us today.
The world outside this building is teeming with life.
While the world inside feels like it’s slowly dying.
When Bacon turns back to face me, a single tear rolls down his cheek.
There’s only one thing I can think to say at this moment.
“I love you.” Emotion clogs my throat. “This isn’t the way I wanted to tell you for the first time, but it’s true, Bacon. I love you so much it hurts.”
“You love me,” he says. “But you’re leaving me.” This time, his voice breaks. “Colleen, what happened? One minute, everything’s fine. Amazing even! We’re laughing, talking, planning our future together. Then, the next minute, you suddenly want to be alone and throw it all away?”
