Page 30 of Bringing Home the Bacon
“So you ran to The Quick Lick?” Sam says, confused.
I look at Diane, who winces and whispers, “Was I not supposed to tell them we went to The Quick Lick?”
Alex chimes in, “Yeah, why the hell would you go to The Quick Lick for milk when your brother owns a damn creamery?”
“Language, Alex,” Gran scolds, then looks at me to answer his question. In fact, the entire family stops and stares.
“I, uh—That’s a good question. Hm. I’m not sure how to?—”
Then Molly saves me and destroys me with one question. “Is there something in Baabara’s mouth?”
Baabara bolts away from Gran’s feet, but we’re ready for her this time. Taking a lesson from Lia and Molly’s approach a few minutes ago, we all hold hands and form a tight circle around the sheep. She’s caught with nowhere to go.
“What does she have?” Samuel squints at the sheep.
“Is it a marker?” Lia asks.
Alex guesses, “A thermometer maybe?”
“Baabara?” Gran says sternly. “Drop. Now.”
Never one to disobey Gran, Baabara instantly responds by dropping the test.
Face up.
In the middle of the carpet.
With the word “Pregnant” lit up clearly on the tiny digital screen.
Oh my god, I’m pregnant.
A hush falls over the room.
Her work here done, Baabara peacefully saunters to the still-open front door and sees herself out.
“Whose positive pregnancy test is that?” Gran clutches her hands to her heart. “Lia and Ethan?”
Lia shakes her head.
“Not us. Not yet anyway,” Ethan says and gives Lia a squeeze.
Gran turns to her second oldest grandchild. “Alex? Is it you and Molly?”
“No, ma’am,” Alex says.
Molly echoes him with another, “No, ma’am.”
Gran turns to the next obvious choice. “Diane and Samuel?”
Diane’s eyes quickly dart to me, then refocus on my grandmother. “I did hear a rumor recently that I was pregnant, so yeah, maybe it’s me!”
“Thank you, Diane,” I say quietly. “But that won’t be necessary.”
“Oh my god.” Sam locks eyes with me and whispers, “It’s you.”
“Who’s who?” Gran says, her head whipping left and right. “What’s who?”
“Me who,” I say. “I’m the one who’s pregnant.” I pick up the test so I can look at it more closely, then place it on the coffee table and promptly flop down on the couch.
