Page 24 of Bringing Home the Bacon
We walk through the doors hand in hand. As usual, Ginny is quick to leap upon her victims, er, customers.
“Hello, ladies!” she calls from the cashier stand.
“Hey Gin,” I say as neutrally as possible and attempt to drag Diane down the first aisle with me.
“Could I have a word with Diane?” Ginny says, hot on our heels.
Diane stops and faces her. “I don’t know, Ginny. During our short acquaintance, I’ve learned that your words tend to be hurtful and often untrue.”
“I’m turning over a new leaf.” Ginny looks and sounds sincere when she says it. “I’m embarrassed by the drama I’ve caused. To you, Diane. And to the Bedd family in general. And all because I couldn’t get over some guy. Isn’t that silly?”
She laughs.
We don’t.
At our silence, Ginny continues, “I don’t expect bygones to be bygones right away. But I do owe you an apology, so I’m sorry.”
I narrow my eyes at her. “I’ll be honest, Gin, I’m not sure what to make of this. To what do we owe this sudden self-reflection and empathy?”
“My Scuttlebutt publication is a flop. For months, I’ve received daily ‘letters to the editor’ telling me to butt out of Fork Lickers’ business, or they’ll scuttle me out of town. Everywhere I go, I’m confronted by someone I’ve hurt or humiliated.” She sighs. “I don’t want to be the girl people love to hate anymore. I’d much prefer to be a girl someone actually loves one day. At the very least, I’d like to be a girl who has friends, you know? Not that I know what that feels like, but I’d like to experience a real relationship at some point. Anyway, I’m realizing that in order for that to happen, I need to stop being such a nosy, judgmental, gossiping biatch.”
“Sounds like a good first step,” I say, my eyes darting toward the aisle I desperately need to visit.
Ginny actually picks up on my cue and says sadly, “Alright, thanks for hearing what I had to say, ladies. I’ll leave you to your shopping now. Meet you at the front when you’re ready to check out.”
When she’s out of earshot, Diane whispers, “That was so sad! Is it bizarre that I feel bad for her?”
I shrug. “Everyone deserves a second chance, I guess.”
“I’m going to talk to her. Go get what you need, and I’ll meet you up front?”
That’s actually the perfect plan.
We part ways, and I head to that same aisle where I got caught staring at condoms all those months ago. Perhaps I should’ve stared a little harder, and I wouldn’t be in this mess right now?
Today, a different tiny box is calling my name. I grab it and boldly march to the front of the store. I have a plan, and it’s a good one.
When I reach the cashier stand, Diane and Ginny are chatting and laughing like old pals.
This is it. This is my chance.
“Here you go, Diane!” I chirp. “I found what you were looking for!”
I place a pregnancy test on the cashier's belt. It lands directly between Diane and Ginny. Both their mouths drop open wide, then two sets of eyes swing to me.
My only response is a tight smile and the pounding of my heart.
Ginny’s voice is strained when she speaks. “Diane, have you been implanted with Samuel’s seed?”
A wave of nausea rolls through my stomach. “Ginny? Gross. That’s my brother you’re talking about.”
“I’m not talking to you, Colleen!” Ginny snaps. She may be turning over a new leaf, but change takes time, and this “news” is understandably rocking her world right now. She repeats with eerie calm, “Diane, have you been implanted with Samuel’s seed?”
Diane continues to stare at me, her eyes even wider now. I silently plead with her to please, please, please go along with this.
She takes a deep breath and instantly becomes my hero. “With the amount of seed-spewing activity we’ve been engaged in lately, Ginny, my guess is yes. My guess is there is Samuel Spawn implanting in my uterine wall at this very moment.”
Yeah, I’m gonna barf.
