Page 88 of Sharkbait
Ralph coughs.
James smirks and looks at the floor.
“Um. Consummation is for married people, Mabes,” I say.
“This is a sex-positive home, Ms. Anderson,” she scolds. “There will be no sex-shaming under my—forgive me,our—roof.”
“Surrrrrrre, but the word consummate means—”
“I know what the word means. What I’m saying is, your raw dog refrigerator night doesn’t really count, you know? Because you two didn’t even know each other then. It’s clear that the tides have changed, though, and there are real feelings between you guys now, so it’s only a matter of time until you guys get down for real. With feelings this time. A consummation of the love brewing between you.”
“Mabel,” I hiss under my breath. “Could you not?”
Ralph hitches a thumb toward the door. “I don’t have to be here for this, do I?”
“No, you do not. Thanks for your help, brother.”
“Sure thing. Here.”
He hands me a key. Everyone’s handing me keys today.
“What’s this for?”
“How do you plan on getting to work?” he asks.
“Bus?”
“Ugh. You know I hate buses.”
“News flash, I’ve been riding them between school and the aquarium this whole time.”
“Yeah, but this is a farther ride for you now. Seriously. Take her for a while. Till you figure things out.”
I place the key back in his hand.
“Lou, you’re my sister. My vulva is your vulva. You know that.”
“Yeah, but what if you need her?”
James chimes in, “Hey, uh—I know I’m relatively new to this crew, but… anyone care to tell me what the hell is going on? Is there a reason you and your brother share a vulva?”
“His car,” I explain. “It’s the old family Volvo. When I was little, I pronounced it vulva, and it stuck.”
“Ah.” James exhales.
Ralph laughs. “Sorry to freak you out, man. My sister and I are close, but not that close.”
“Would you say that?” I ask Ralph. “That we’re close?”
“Now, I would. Hell yeah.” He pauses. “Wouldn’t you?”
“Yeah.” I smile. “I would too.”
“Good. Now shut up and ride my vulva, will ya?” He tosses the key in the air.
“Ew.” I catch it. “You’re disgusting.”
“Back atcha, sis.”
