Page 86 of Sharkbait
Louise
"Rooooooomate!!!” Mabel charges me at full speed.
“Ooof,” is the sound that comes out of me on impact.
She wraps herself gleefully around me like a squid.
I silently pat her back with both hands to confirm that she is fully clothed this time.
“Oh my gosh, this is going to be so much fun!” she squeals. “Are you as excited as I am?”
“I’m not sure anyone could be as excited as you are right now.” I laugh. “But. Sure.” I pause. “I mean, yes! Absolutely.”
I pull back from the hug to find her beaming at me.
Mabel really is an adorable, amazing person.
I’m not going to lie, I was really looking forward to living on my own in the city, and I’m still reeling by everything that’s gone down this week, but hey, sometimes life throws you a curveball. And if this kind, giving, enthusiastic woman is willing to help me get back on my feet, then I count myself enormously lucky.
I’m a little embarrassed to admit that when James first said he knew someone who’d be open to a roommate, I automatically assumed he meant himself.
Which is a ridiculous thing to have assumed.
Why in the world would he ask a woman he barely knows, a woman he had sex with once a few months ago and then made out with on a bench a few nights ago to move in with him?
But perhaps more importantly, why did I get such a pang ofdisappointment in my gut when I realized he wasn’t?
My brother steps out of the car, which is packed to the brim with my belongings.
“Ralph-alpha! How’re you doing, buddy? I haven’t seen you since the orgy!” Mabel purses her lips. “Hm. Is it okay to call you Ralph-alpha? Or is that strictly a Calliope sex thing?”
“Itisa Calliope sex thing,” Ralph says. “But—”
“Nope!” I say. “No buts! Mabel will never call you that nickname again!” I pull some duffel bags out of the trunk. “Also, Mabes, can we not talk about the orgy? I’m kind of trying to forget that night ever happened.”
“Have Calliope and I apologized enough for that?” Ralph asks as he places some boxes on the car roof. “We really are sorry.”
“You have. And I know you are. But for the future? You two might want to explore why you keep participating in public sex acts that get people fired.”
“Touché.”
“The word orgy doesn’t really lend itself well to pig Latin. Have you ever noticed that?” Mabel asks as she grabs a small lamp and a garment bag.
What in the hell is she talking about?
“Yes,” Ralph says. “Words that start with a vowel aren’t a great fit for ig-pay atin-lay. But there are ways around that.”
“Oh really? Do tell,Ralph.” Mabel gives me a wink.
I give her a thumbs-up.
“Gladly, Mabel,” he says. “When a word starts with a vowel, it’s suggested that you keep the word intact and add “-hay” to the end. So in the case of the word orgy, you would say orgy-hay, though as an alternative, you can also use the suffix ‘yay’ as well.”
I love my brother to the moon and back, but I swear, any opportunity to mansplain, and he is all over it. Even if the topic is something as inane as pig Latin. Something tells me, though, that he wouldn’t dare ansplain-may with alliope-Cay.
“Thanks for that, Ralph. Orgy-yay is certainly preferable to orgy-hay. I mean, who wants to have an orgy-hay? Sounds itchy.”
“Agreed! Orgy-yay it is!” I shout as I make my way to Mabel’s—or I guess, I should sayour—front door with the first load of stuff.
