Page 113 of Sharkbait
“I have no idea,” he says as he signals to turn left into the parking lot.
He pulls into a spot and shuts off the engine.
I lean back, not ready to unbuckle my seat belt yet.
“How are you so okay with her these days?”
“I don’t know.” He shrugs. “I feel like if she knew how to do better, she would. And I guess one day I woke up and realized I’m a grown-up now. My life is pretty great. And maybe I don’t need to hold on to all the anger and disappointment I feel for the little kid I used to be. Maybe that kid grew up and knows how to take care of himself now. Holding on to all the negative feelings I have—or had—for them only hurts me in the long run.”
Wow. How did I get surrounded by all these self-aware men?
Then it hits me for the hundredth time today that I’m no longersurrounded by James. He walked away from me. Correction: I pushed him away from me.
Ralph hands me back the key to the vulva.
“Thanks for driving,” I say. “I’ve just been a bit scattered since…”
“Are you going to talk to him?” he asks, then clarifies, “I overheard some of your late-night phone call with Calliope.”
More like late-night sob fest.
“I don’t know. One drama at a time.”
He puts his hand on the door.
“Ready to go in?”
I sigh. “Yeah. Let’s get this over with.”
Ralph walks into the restaurant first, and I trail him. It takes everything in me not to sulk like a little kid being forced to go to a boring adult gathering.
Like Ralph insinuated, I’m the adult now. I don’t need to keep repeating my patterns from when I was a child.
Ralph stops short, causing me to smack straight into his back.
“Oof. Geez, dude, a little warning would be nice,” I grumble.
“A little warning would be nice,” he says under his breath.
I step to Ralph’s side and take in the scene in front of him.
It turns out, Mom did bring a guy.
And not just any guy.
Theguy.
Sitting next to her, snuggled up on the same side of the booth, is our father.
“Hi, kids,” he says.
“Hi, kids!” Mom repeats with a squeal. She shimmies out of the booth to give us hugs. My arms dangle to my sides as she squeezes me. I’m not intentionally withholding affection from her. I just can’t seem to make myself move.
“Surprise!” she says as she reaches high to wrap her arms around Ralph’s neck. “Are you surprised?”
“To see you here with Dad?” Ralph asks. “A bit, yeah.”
“Sit. Sit, sit, sit.” Mom points at the opposite side of the booth, then tucks herself under Dad’s arm. He kisses the top of her head.
