Page 45 of Lovebug
“Olivia Pope is the Kerry Washington character onScandal,” Cyndi says, confused.
“Oh, right!” Louise says. “You’re right. I meant, um… Olivia… Bennet? No, Benson! Olivia Benson! Mariska Hargitay’s character onSVUis Olivia Benson.”
“I’m completely lost,” Cyndi says.
“The heroine of Dick Wolf’s series is Olivia Benson, so I’m just suggesting that if there is going to be any balance in the bedroom, then… Olivia deserves some attention too.”
“Oh, snap!” Calliope laughs. “Mabel, Louise just named your vagina Olivia Benson!”
“Why!? Why did Louise just name my vagina Olivia Benson?”
“I think it’s important to meet people where they are!” Louise defends. “Clearly, you’re uncomfortable discussing these things directly, Mabel, so I was trying to help you out by continuing theLaw & Ordermetaphor you so expertly established.”
“Oh. Well. Thank you.” Louise really is proving to be a solid new friend in my world.
“You’re welcome. Guys, what do you say we give Mabel a break from the inquisition? She’s a big girl. She’ll figure out her own relationship. You okay, girl?”
Yeah, it’s official. I really like Louise.
“Fine, yeah. I’m always fine.”
“I dunno.” Calliope frowns. “She still looks all flushed and sweaty and panicky.”
“Quick, someone get her talking about bugs so she feels better,” Lou suggests.
“So, Mabes… what other female bugs murder their mates?” Cyndi asks sweetly, and I remember again why I love her.
“A bunch actually!”
Louise was right. I feel better already. It’s kind of cool how she understands me so well after knowing me for such a short time.
“The black widow, of course, the biting midge, jumping spiders, scorpions…”
“Damn!” Calliope suddenly says. “I wouldn’t mind bitingthatguy’s head off!”
“What guy? Should I be reporting this to my brother?” Lou asks, her eyebrows raised.
“Simmer down, sister. You know I only have eyes for Ralph. He’s the only guy whose ‘head’ I’ll be biting now and forevermore. Though now that you mention it, your brother actually doesn’t mind abitof teeth.”
“‘Now that I mention’ what?” Louise nearly squawks. “I ‘mentioned’ absolutely nothing.”
Calliope is clearly caught up in a Ralph-inspired soliloquy, though, and keeps going. “God, I love that about him. For a guy who’s so clean-cut and adorable, you’d never know he’s so edgy when you get him behind closed doors. Or perched between a pair of Whirlpool front loader washing machines. Whew!” Her eyes roll back a bit like she’s getting lost in a recent memory. “He is just the most delicious—”
“Alright, alright. That’s enough,” Louise stops her before she can continue.
“But hey,” Calliope says. “I’m not dead. I can still admire the hottie at twelve o’clock. See him talking to James at the bar? He’s giving me Hemsworthy Thor vibes with the hair and that butt.”
Cyndi whips around to get a look.
“Hmm. You know what vibes he’s givingmewith the hair and the butt? Remember that scene in that awful Troy movie with Brad Pitt? He plays Achilles, and he bares his bodacious butt on the beach?”
“Wait,” I say. “Didn’t that come out when we were in elementary school?
“Yeah, but you know my mom has a Brad Pitt thing.” She turns to Calliope and Louise. “Her ‘special collection’ was packed full of Pitt DVDs.”
“Totally get that,” Louise says. “My mom was crazy for Swayze.”
“Mine was loony for Clooney.” Calliope giggles.
