Page 43 of Lovebug
“Well, it is not a pyramid scheme,” I continue. “You just got that word stuck in my head. It’s a… a, uh… a… triangular plan. We sell health and wellness products. Who doesn’t want to be healthy and well?”
“We all do,” Louise encourages. “We all want to be healthy and well.”
“Exactly! Oh, Louise, I can’t believe I haven’t asked you this before. Would you like to get in on the ground floor of an exciting new adventure? One where you can build relationships with like-minded entrepreneurs looking to build multiple streams of residual income for years to come? Where you can join forces with a team offering cutting edge products and—”
“Um. No, thank you.”
“Cool, yeah, no. You’re not interested. That’s totally fine. Anyway, so yeah, Bert’s working really hard on that business for us. The plan is for us to make enough money so we can both get out of our parents’ houses and find a place together soon.”
“Nice. So when do you two spend quality time together?” Calliope questions.
“Quality time?”
“Yeah, when are you… alone together? Seems like you both work a lot.”
“And it must be tricky with you both still living at home,” Louise offers. “God, I can’t even imagine what life would be like if I still lived with my mother.”
“Monday nights,” I answer.
“Monday nights?” Calliope asks.
“Yeah. Monday night is our weekly date night after our team meeting. We get a room at the Quality Inn off the turnpike and have—you know—an… adult sleepover.”
“Sexy,” Cyndi says with no small amount of sarcasm.
“It is, Cyndi.” I can’t help feeling a bitdefensive. “Itissexy. Everybody, please excuse Cyndi. She’s known Bert since he was a kid. We all went to high school together. So I think she has a hard time shaking the kid he used to be and recognizing him as the manly-as-hell man he is now.”
“Okay… so walk us through a night with your manly-as-hell man,” Calliope says with a smile.
“Sure. Gladly. Okay. Sooooo… Monday nights after our team meeting, we grab some takeout. Italian usually. Bert’s Italian.”
“You don’t like Italian, though, right?” Cyndi asks.
“Oh, it’s fine. I can find something I like from just about any restaurant.” I continue, “So we get Italian and have a little bed picnic while we watch a few episodes ofLaw & Order…”
“But you hate violence, and cop shows give you nightmares.”
Geez, what is up with Cyndi tonight?
“True,” I say, starting to get frustrated with her at this point. “But Bert loves them, and I think Ice-T is a national treasure, so I don’t mind at all.Then”—my voice shifts to sort of flirty, sort of shy because I’m not used to sharing these sorts of sordid details—“after we’ve watched two or three episodes and we hear the final ‘dunh-dunh’ after the ruling and we see ‘Dick Wolf’ flash on the screen, Bert says… hahaha, oh gosh, this cracks me up. He totally cracks me up…”
I get lost in a fit of nervous giggles.
“What does Bert say?” Louise asks in an attempt to get me back on track.
“He says…” I let out one more bout of giggles. “‘Are you ready to seemyDick Wolf?’”
There’s a moment of silence and then…
“Whaaaat!?” Calliope screeches.
Hm. I guess I need to repeat myself.
“He says, ‘Are you ready to seemy—’”
“Oh, I heard you the first time,” Calliope huffs. “I just… I didn’t want to believe it, I suppose.”
“Oh, believe it! He’s hilarious.”
