Page 38 of Lovebug
He gives her a small salute and starts pouring us more drinks. If I’m not mistaken, his eyes linger a bit longer on Louise than on the rest of us. Her eyes flutter up to his, then immediately back to her drink. No one else seems to notice this, so I stay on topic.
“Why do I even need an intervention?” I whine. “I’m fine.”
“You are not fine,” Calliope asserts.
“But I am, I—”
“Let me begin by listing all the reasons I know you are not fine.” Calliope raises her voice to an uncomfortable level.
“Oh my gosh,” I say, looking around at the crowded bar. “Is that really necess—”
“Reason one! You just got engaged to a guy none of us have met, and you never talk about.”
Cyndi interjects. “I’ve met him. Many times. Many,manytimes.”
“And?” Calliope asks. “Verdict?”
“Eh” is Cyndi’s succinct response.
“Eh?!” I parrot back at her. “You’re summing up your feelings on the love of my life with… ‘eh’?”
“The love of your life, Mabel?” Cyndi practically snorts. “Just because he’s the only person you’ve loved in your life so far—and I use the word love here with a hefty amount of reservation—doesn’t mean he’s the loveofyour life.” Her voice softens. “You can do better. I’ve always thought that. I always will.”
“Objection!” Louise gets her voice into the mix.
Geez, they’re really embracing the courtroom premise, huh?
“Yes, Ms. Anderson,” Calliope calls on her.
“Thank you, Ms. FitzGerald. I realize I’m new to this particular group, but isn’t it important—in a girl code sort of way—that we support our friend’s choice of a mate?”
“That depends,” Cyndi jumps in.
“On what?” Lou asks.
“On whether or not you’re mating with a douche.”
“Cyndi!” I scold. “Don’t refer to a human being as a vaginal cleansing spray.”
“Sometimes it’s the only fitting descriptor.” Cyndi shrugs.
“Iknowwe’re not denigrating the vagina and using it as an insult, right?” Louise says in a warning tone.
“Course not, Lou,” Calliope assures her, then continues the conversation between sips of her drink. “‘Douche,’ I can handle. Can we not say ‘mate,’ though? ‘Mate’ sounds all sorts of Animal Planet. Also, doesn’t it imply procreation? Correct me if I’m wrong, but I don’t think any of us is ready for procreation.”
“Doesit imply that, though?” Cyndi questions.
“Yeah,” Calliope says. “When an animal is mating, it’s for the sole purpose of making animal babies.”
“Hm. Yeah. I guess there is some truth to that,” Cyndi agrees.
“Dolphins do both, though,” Louise offers. “They fornicate for procreationandpleasure.”
“Fornicate, wow!” Calliope chuckles. “I didn’t expect such a biblical term from you, Lou.”
“Bleh, fornicate.” Cyndi faux retches. “What a disgusting word for such a delicious activity.”
“Well, I’m sorry.” Louise throws her hands up. “You guys took ‘mate’ off the table, so I had to get creative with my words.”
