Page 98 of Flirtasaurus
“No, there is not,” he says definitively. “You and me? We are better than the megabus.”
“However, it seems we are not better than a roach-infested motel with cardboard mattresses.”
“It’s fine. It’ll be an adventure. We’ll look back on this someday and laugh.”
I’m not sure what to say to that. Does he really see some kind of someday for us? Even after I acted like such a crazy person with my family today? I opt to say nothing and stand and explore the tiny room instead.
“Think they have room service?” I ask as I flip through the welcome pamphlet on the desk.
“Ha, probably not. I did see a pizza place down the road a bit, though, if you’re hungry.”
“Nah, I filled up on Suzie Q’s spiral ham,” I say sadly. “I was just curious. Ooh...” I spot a tiny electric coffee maker on the dresser. It looks just like the one I kept in my dorm room illegally during my freshman year. “But they do have…” I check out the labels on the tiny packaging. “…decaf coffee and unrefrigerated coconut-flavored creamer.”
“Sounds disgusting. Shall we?”
“Yeah,” I say with a smile. “We shall.”
I take the carafe into the bathroom to fill it with water, and when I come back out to the main room, he’s setting things up like he’s moving into the place. He’s pulled down the covers on one side, has his shoes off and tucked under the bed, and his laptop is charging on the nightstand.
“Figured I’d let you take the left side,” he says when he catches me watching him.
“Sure. Okay. Yeah. Why?”
“I read an article once that people who sleep on the left side of the bed have sunnier dispositions in the morning. Figured you could use some cheering up.”
“A gorgeous scientific mind like yours believes that kind of crap?”
I fill the paper coffee filter with decaf and press the red button. Sounds of hissing and bubbling begin right away.
“Gorgeous, huh?” He winks. I don’t think he’s ever winked at me before. When I wink, I look like I have dust in my eye. “I think they did some kind of poll amongst long-term couples.”
“Left while you’re lying down, though, or left while you’re standing up and looking at the bed? Because those are two different things.”
“True. I don’t—”
“And if it’s while you’re lying down, well then you have to ask yourself if it’s left while you’re on your back? Or on your stomach? Because those are also two different things.”
“You got me, Calliope. I clearly haven’t given the happy side of the bed hypothesis enough scientific thought to offer you a succinct summation.”
“And for the record, what makes you think I plan to sleep in this bed with you?”
“Oh.” His eyes widen a moment. “I can totally sleep on the floor if you’re… I mean, I didn’t mean to be presumptuous just because last night we—”
“Ralph, I’m kidding. I’m not letting you sleep on this heinous carpet with scurrying bugs. Besides, last night I did do a reverse cowgirl on you in a public institution after role-playing like I was onWhose Line is it Anyway?and swinging from your member like a demented Tarzan impersonator. I think it’s safe to say that I’m not shy.”
He laughs quietly. “Alright. I just don’t want you to be uncomfortable.”
“Oh, I’m going to be completely uncomfortable, but it won’t be because of you.”
“Fair enough.”
I pour the coffee and powdered creamer into two tiny paper cups.
“It’s single serve, so I guess we each get half.”
“Works for me.”
We sit on the edge of the bed together and sip.
