Page 76 of Flirtasaurus
“True. I just mean we could get caught.”
“Nope! I’m the only one here tonight who has access to this room besides security guard Jerry, of course, but he’s stationed at the front for the rest of the night. And they’re not even installing security cameras in this room until tomorrow. It’s on Dr. Knowles’ calendar.”
“For real?” Ralph says, hopefully.
“For realsies, boo.”
“You called me boo.”
“Sure did. Wha-pow!”
With one ‘wha-pow!’ I’ve shucked the man’s pants down to his ankles, and… I kind of can’t believe the miracle I’m seeing.
“Holy shit! HAS THAT BEEN IN THERE THIS WHOLE TIME?!”
He kicks his pants the rest of the way off, and I back up a few feet to fully appreciate the spectacular view.
“Uh. Yeah?”
“Why didn’t you say something?!”
“Like what?”
“Oh, I don’t know, maybe something like ‘Hey, Calliope, just so you’re aware, I’m packing some serious schlong inside these sensible khakis.’ That would’ve worked.”
“Do people actually say the word schlong?”
“WHEN THEY SEE SOMETHING LIKE THAT THEY DO!” Gee-zus! How can you be so, so…?”
“So…?”
“Humble!?”
“Aw, thank you. You’re so sweet.”
“What I am is terrified.”
“Really?”
“Hell no, let’s do this!”
I full-on sprint into his arms.
“Oof.” He exhales, but he doesn’t seem to be complaining.
We start kissing and touching like it’s our job. It’s not, obviously, but I will tell you, there is something really hot and exciting about kissing and touchingatour job.
Man, this is so fun! Is sex supposed to be this fun? I’m realizing we’re not actually having sex yet, but clearly, that’s where things are headed, right? Oh, if Sister Marta could see me now! About to have sexual relations not only outside the bonds of holy matrimony but also surrounded by prehistoric creatures whose mere existence proves that evolution is not a blasphemous theory, but a straight-up fact? Suck it, Marta! Yeah, I’m pretty sure her habit would fly right off her head.
“Hey. Are you with me?” Ralph says between kisses.
“Hundred percent, yes! Sorry. I was just thinking about my high school theology teacher.”
“Then I’m clearly doing this wrong.”
“Nope! You’re perfect. Keep doing what you’re doing.”
“You’re weird as hell. And I fucking love it.”
