Page 63 of Flirtasaurus
“Yeah! That was my mom’s main insult for people she perceived to be idiots. ‘Don’t mind him; he’s a boob!’ Oh, and the TV! She called it the boob tube. ‘Will you kids stop watching the boob tube and go outside to play? It’s going to rot your brain.’ In other words... make you an idiot. But there’s nothing idiotic about these babies,” I say while looking down at my chest even though he obviously can’t see them, “boobs or breasts or whatever you wanna call them. Hey, while we’re at it, can we discuss the word pussy?”
“We absolutely can.”
“People also use the word pussy as an insult. ‘That guy is such a pussy.’”
“Do you always make yourself sound like a doofus when you’re impersonating a guy?”
“Only when it’s warranted, which it usually is. Present company excluded, of course.”
“Of course.”
“Yeah, people use the word pussy to mean weak, lame, afraid… but the actual pussy is none of those things. It’s strong. Powerful. Worthy of celebration.”
“I absolutely agree.”
We fall into silence.
Our first bit of silence the entire night.
Maybe I finally took things too far with the pussy talk? But somehow, I don’t think so. This guy truly seems up for anything.
“Well,” I say on an exhale.
“Well,” he responds.
“Would you like to…?” We both speak at the same time.
“No, you go,” he says with a laugh.
“No, you.” I chuckle.
“I’d like to take you on a real date.”
“You would?”
“I would,” he says matter-of-factly.
“When?”
“Ah, she said yes!” He gloats.
“Technically, I said ‘when,’ but… yes.”
My cheeks are starting to hurt from so much smiling. I’m almost certain he can hear them through the phone.
“How about Sunday? We can make a day out of it. I’ll show you the city.”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa. You’ll showmethe city? I grew up here, Nebraska boy.”
“Didn’t you say you grew up ‘right outside of the city?’”
“Yeah,” I say with a solid amount of snark. “Everyone who is ‘from Philly’ grew up ‘right outside of the city.’”
“That obviously can’t be a factual statement, but I’ll let it slide for now. Maybe you do know more about the city than I do, but after watching you in action this week, I’m guessing not.”
“And how did you come to that conclusion, sir?”
“You just don’t seem to make a lot of room in your life for fun. When was the last time you explored the city like a tourist?”
