Page 31 of Flirtasaurus
“Harsh, dude! Also, whenever someone says no offense, it’s pretty much guaranteed that they’re about to offend you big time.”
“Yeah, no offense is probably one of those meaningless fillers I sometimes use. Bad habit. Just like your sorry filler, right?”
“Ha. Right.”
“What I meant to say was… I guess I’m still trying to figure you out.”
“Me too. Let me know what you discover, huh?”
We halt simultaneously, and our eyes lock over the stack of boxes he’s holding. Damn, those are some green-blue eyes. They’re sort of swirly too. Kind of like the way Earth looks from space. Beautiful. And peaceful. And also somehow intimidating.
It’s silent a moment.
“The fart line!” he blurts.
“Huh?” I’m startled out of his stare.
“The, uh, the fart line from my presentation? You asked if it was your comment that killed the fart line. Not really. I mean, I did consider your feedback, but no, it was Dr. Abrams who ordered the kibosh on it. He said it was my vegan propaganda sneaking its way into my work.”
“I’m… not following.”
“I’m a vegan.”
“Okay…”
“And many vegans will tell you that by cutting down on beef consumption, we can limit the impact of climate change.”
“And what does that have to do with the decimation of the dinosaurs?”
He goes directly into teaching mode.
“Fewer cows on industrial farms would mean a decrease in the amount of methane released into the air,” he clarifies. “You know, fewer cow farts.”
“Sure...”
“So. It goes to reason that in some people’s minds, not necessarily my mind, if cow farts could negatively impact the planet on such a large scale, then what kind of devastation would be wrought from the farts of a nine-ton colossus like a Carcharodontosaurus? Then! You think of the over seven hundred other dinosaur species there were, and those are just the ones that have been identified, those millions and millions of massive creatures just living and farting their way across our prehistoric planet millennia after millennia after millennia, and well, your mind can go to some pretty wild places! Would farts of that scope and magnitude be enough to end life as the dinosaurs knew it? Unlikely. Though it was enough of a possibility to be given some serious scientific consideration for a short while. But then, of course, the Chicxulub crater was discovered, and the asteroid theory was confirmed, so there was clearly no need to keep focusing on the farts.”
I’m pretty much at a loss for words. Because what does one say to that?
“Anyway, I think Dr. Abrams was just afraid I was trying to steal everybody’s cheeseburgers, so the line is cut.”
God help me, but this guy is fucking fascinating.
Chapter Eight
A few minutes later, we reach my building, and I’m not quite sure how this next part should go. When in doubt, though, I go into action, so I move to grab the boxes from him.
“This is me. Thanks again. I’ll take it from here!”
“Don’t be silly. I didn’t come this far to abandon you at your door. I’ll bring them up for you.”
“Nah, there’s no elevator, and it’s a third-floor walk-up, so—”
“So all the more reason I should help you then. Unless… Calliope, if I make you uncomfortable or something, then—”
“Uncomfortable? No way!” I start laughing a little too hard. “How the hell could you of all people make me feel uncomfortable? You’re just a sweet little teddy bear who studies the stars!” I continue to laugh. He, however, is not laughing.
“A little teddy bear who studies the stars, huh?”
