Page 114 of Flirtasaurus
“Oh, yeah.”
Now the sound of a guy panting?
“Oh, dammit to hell, this ain’t the live cam,” Mr. Birch complains. “Seems it’s like some of our test security footage from the weekend.”
“Ohhhh.”
“Oh, yeah.”
“Ohhhh.”
“Oh, yeah.”
The sounds continue to come through the room’s speakers. The sounds of a man and woman engaged in something very… adult.
Oh, Jesus Christ, I think my heart just stopped.
Everyone in the room starts looking around, wondering what the hell is happening.
Everyone, that is, except for Mr. Birch, who seems to be oblivious to the sounds as he fiddles with the buttons on his remote to no avail. I sneak a glance at Ralph out of the corner of my eye, and his face looks as white as a sheet. His mouth is hanging slightly open, and I’m pretty sure he’s no longer breathing. I don’t remember the last time I inhaled either.
“Ah! Here’s how you focus the damn thing!”
Mr. Birch finally presses the right button, and the image becomes clear. Earth-shatteringly, life-shatteringly clear. Two completely unclothed bodies are gyrating in the ancient primal dance of… well, you know. You can only see the girl’s back, but the guy? You can see the guy’s face plain as day.
And that’s when I hear it. My ecstatic voice saying…
“Ohhh. Ralph! Give it to me, Ralph, yes!”
“Hole-eeee shiiiiit…” Bruce exhales, from a few feet away.
“Girlfriend!” Sasha hisses out of the corner of her mouth. “I thought we agreed that we were eliminating the whole ‘give it to me’ phrase from your sexvernacular.”
“Really!? That’s what you have to say to me right now?” I whisper yell at her.
“Of course not. I also want to say you look hot as hell, lady. Seriously, look at you go!”
She watches the projection and shakes her head in wondrous appreciation.
This is a nightmare. This is a fucking nightmare. And it just keeps going.
“Ohhhh.”
“Oh, yeah.”
“Ohhhh.”
“Oh, yeah.”
“Also,” Sasha continues close to my ear, “reverse cowgirl in a public place? Wow. Even I wouldn’t go there. Major props to you, lover.”
She lifts her hand for a subtle high five, but I’m too stunned to respond.
“Can someone please help Mr. Birch shut this off?” Dr. Knowles booms, not the least bit impressed.
“I’m on it!” Bruce comes to the rescue and takes the remote-control device from Mr. Birch, who has become fully enraptured with what he’s seeing and hearing on the projection, his head tilted to the side like a Labrador puppy. “IATSE workers are not only trained in the art of stagecraft and lighting, but we are constantly increasing our knowledge of the latest technologies, so this should be a breeze. Let me see here, just a little bit of this…”
He fiddles with some buttons.
