Page 101 of Flirtasaurus
At some point in the middle of the night, I gasp myself awake.
“Whoa, whoa, you okay?” Ralph’s soothing voice says as his hand rubs down my back.
“Where am…? Who are…? What is…?”
“Shhhhhh. You’re okay. We’re in that motel, remember?”
“Right. Yeah. Okay.”
It all comes rushing back to me. The reason we’re here. The things I said to my family. The conversation Ralph and I had before I fell asleep. Way before I fell asleep, if I’m being accurate. He slept like a baby almost instantly, but I stared up at the ceiling for hours before finally drifting off. At least it felt like hours.
I notice the blue glow coming from the laptop resting on his legs.
“Are you watching a movie?”
“I was. Woke up and couldn’t sleep, so I switched something on.”
I look closer at the paused screen.
“Finding Nemo?”
“Yeah, thought the underwater stuff might be soothing.”
“You think having a bum fin, dealing with a dead mom and a grieving father, and then being separated from said father, being chased by an anglerfish, then being trapped by a psychotic Australian dentist is a soothing storyline?”
“Well, when you put it that way… no. You know you’re very vibrant for having just startled out of a sound sleep.”
“Yeah, I’m pretty zero to sixty. What can I say? What’s up with your love of Disney movies anyway?”
“I dunno, they make me feel… safe. What’s up with your hatred of them?”
“Hatred is too strong a word. I do think they are highly questionable, though. I mean, why do they kill off all the moms?”
“They don’t kill off all the moms.”
“Yeah, they do!”
“Come on.”
“Bambi,Dumbo,Jungle Book,Beauty & the Beast,The Little Mermaid,Aladdin,Cinderella,Pocahontas,The Fox and the Hound,Tarzan,A Goofy Moviefor chrissakes,Ratatouille,Lilo & Stitch,Finding Nemo…”
“Dumbo’s mother is captured and incarcerated, but never killed.”
“Oh, okay, wise guy.”
“And are all those mothers you listed actually deceased? Or are some of them just never mentioned?”
“Most are dead, Ralph, but yes, some of them are just erased from the narrative completely.”
“Alright, I do see your point. I guess I just never thought about those movies as lacking mothers, so much as showing strong fathers. Certainly better fathers than the one I barely had. I would have given anything for a Marlin or a Mufasa. Hey, if it makes you feel better, inThe Lion King, Simba’s mom, Sarabi, does just fine. It’s Mufasa who’s killed.”
“Well yeah, it’sHamletfor lions! They had to kill the dad for accuracy. Otherwise, I’m sure Sarabi would have been the one who bit it in the wildebeest stampede.”
“The mom is also alive and well inMoana. And inFrozen,they kill the momandthe dad, so—”
“Hey! Spoiler alert!”
“No way! The statute of limitations on spoilers has passed for that one.Frozencame out like eight years ago!”
