Page 74 of Flirtasaurus
“Sure, at first glance, but love should have some teeth, shouldn’t it? Some bite? I wouldn’t say this in my meetings with the team because they’d probably think I’m a ridiculous child-woman who’s seen and read way to many romance stories, but yeah, I think Trix and Monty were in the throes of a beautiful, though sometimes angsty, love affair—I mean, we are talking about a tyrannosaur and a hadrosaur after all—when your bastard of an asteroid came along and wiped them out, sweeping them under the volcanic debris, their physical lives ended, but their love enduring for all eternity.”
“Damn, okay. I’m in. I buy it.”
“And look at her! So badass! So out of fucks! So in her own power! She doesn’t give a shit how a lady dinosaur should behave. She is who she is, and she doesn’t care what anyone has to say about it. I’m sure she never apologized forherfantasies. Are yousureyou’re not a virgin?”
“Are you like… disappointed about that?”
“Yeah.”
“Care to explain?”
“I shouldn’t have to, but fine. Male virgins are fascinating. And romantic as hell. So many dudes have theladyvirgin fantasy, but for some reason, we ladies aren’t supposed to have thedudevirgin fantasy.”
“But you do? Have the dude virgin fantasy?”
“Oh, yeah. I grew up super religious. I guess that whole saving yourself thing is hard to shake.”
“But you just told me you didn’t save yourself, right?”
“Hell no, dude! What am I, crazy?” Then I think better of what I just said. “But it’s not like I… I mean, I didn’t likenotsave myself alot.”
“Huh?”
I’m on my feet now.
“You’re right, that was terrible English. I just meant… no, I did not save myself, but it’s not like I went buck wild or anything. Not that it’s anyone’s business how wild or un-wild my bucking was! Ugh. I didn’t mean the nature of the bucking, so much as the regularity of the bucking and the variety of partners with whom I bucked.”
“Okay.”
“For the record, the regularity was infrequent, and the partners were few.”
“Okay.”
“But as I said, it’s no one’s business.”
“It’s certainly not. Hence… the reason I did not ask you to expand on this subject.”
“Good. Keep it that way. Because I made the mistake of asking someone to expand on this particular subject once, and it was extremely uncomfortable. For him mostly, but for me too. In my defense, I was super young and inexperienced. I’d been with the same guy throughout late high school and early college and basically had my first everythings with him. You know how that goes. Then we break up, and I meet this older guy from Belgium. First of all, he scared the shit out of me with his uncircumcised penis—”
“He scared you with it? How did he scare you with it?”
“Well… you know… byhavingone.”
“Fair enough.”
Ralph remains sitting on the floor, leaning comfortably back on both hands, watching me pontificate with undisguised amusement.
“Then I asked him how many people he’d been with, thinking I was being so grown-up and cosmopolitan. And the dude’s face completely falls. He says are you really asking me that question? I said nope, I’m not, and I proceeded to do my very best with his terrifying turtlenecked member.”
“I’m a little confused as to why you are telling me this story.”
“Are you really, though? Get on your feet,” I say in an intentionally husky voice. He obeys and stands but looks as puzzled as ever. Gosh, between my antics with the badge and the suggestive tone of my voice, it’s like this guy doesn’t recognize a sexy seduction when he sees one. Guess I gotta help him out.
“Well, yeah, I am confused because—”
But I don’t let him finish. I choose that moment to leap upon him like my friend Trix over there would do and sink my teeth into his neck.
“Yow!” he cries out.
