Page 73 of Flirtasaurus
“Respect but no, I’m definitely a woman. I mean a man! You know, if the lyrics were ‘Not a boy, not yet a man,’ that is. Though if I sang those exact lyrics, I would be singing a lie. Because I am most definitely a man. Shit, maybe the shrooms are getting to me more than I thought. It has been a while.”
“You can be a virgin and still be considered a man, Ralph. Don’t be a hater.”
“I know that! Geez. I’m just trying to go along with your musical metaphor.”
“Oh, well, I appreciate that. You’re such a team player.”
He pauses for what feels like a long time.
“So, are we going in, or…?”
Oh, will you look at that—a door.
“Yesyesyesyesyes,” I say with glee as I fumble with and fondle my badge again. I wave it in his face and hiss, “Accesssssss.”
I go to swipe my badge and get lost in a moment of pure beauty.
“Wowwwwwweeee. Is this door made of water?” I purr as I stroke my hand up and down the length of what I thought was a solid door, but now? Now I’m not so sure.
“And those would be the shrooms talking,” Ralph says in a hush. “Let’s get you inside.”
I swipe my badge, and he guides me with his hand on my lower back as we enter. That gorgeous wobbly door clicks quietly closed behind us, and I give it one last stroke. We walk to the place of honor in the center of the room where Trix and Monty stand in all their glory.
“Wow,” Ralph breathes.
“I know. Aren’t they just… everything? I need to sit. When I’m in their presence, I need to sit to let them fully wash over me. I just love them so fucking much.”
“Aw, that’s sweet. Okay. Yeah, let’s sit.”
We take a spot on the floor, and I cuddle right up next to him. He puts his arm around me.
And Trix… winks at me.
That gorgeous, empowered female Tyrannosaurus Rex just winked at me!
Right? Didn’t she?
“Did you see that?” I ask him.
“See what?”
“What she just did?” I point at Trix.
“The T-Rex?”
“Yeah!”
He looks at me strangely, then shifts his gaze to Trix, who I swear to God is smiling at me! If the shroom life means I get to connect with my babies on this kind of level, then sign me up for more.
“Well… currently, she seems to be chomping into the tail of the other one. The, uh…”
“He’s an Edmontosaurus,” I explain. “His name is Monty. I think they were in love.”
“Really?”
“Big time.”
“I mean, it looks like she’s trying to eat him.”
