Page 56 of Flirtasaurus
“Certainly.”
“And please take off your shoes. There are at least seventy-four faux lambskin throw rugs covering this floor, and I won’t have them soiled with the crusty bottoms of my co-workers’ shoes.”
“Wow, do you consider me one of your co-workers?”
“Of course. What else would I consider you?”
“I dunno… an apprentice? A gopher? A peon? No. I’m sorry. I wish I could take that back. Hey, words,” I shout with a laugh as I grasp at the empty air, “get back in my mouth! Hahahaha.”
She doesn’t laugh along with me.
So, I continue. “They say to dress for the job you want, right? Well, I’m also trying to make it a point tospeakfor the job I want. I don’t want to be an apprentice, a gopher, or a peon, so why would I speak those words out loud, you know? Especially in your presence.”
She continues to stare at me with no reaction whatsoever.
I quiet.
“Shoes?” She glances down at my still covered feet.
“Of course, yes.” I slip off my pumps and line them up at the alongside her desk. “And gosh, I’m so glad to hear your rugs are faux.”
“Of course they’re faux. Calliope, what kind of a monster do you think I am?”
“Not a monster at all! A bit scary, but I admire that about you!”
“Scary.” She repeats the word and does not seem pleased.
Oh man, I am digging myself a gigantic hole with this woman. “Intimidating is probably a better descriptor. But as I said, I admire that about you! You make people shudder, did you know that? Like they actually physically quake in their literal boots! It’s incredible!”
“Calliope, I brought you in here today for three reasons. One: You have an eyebrow problem.”
Oh my God. Please tell me I did not hear her correctly. Please tell me that this powerful woman I respect so greatly did not just say…
“Did you hear me Miss FitzGerald? You have an eyebrow problem.”
Yup, I heard her correctly. You have to be fucking kidding me.
“Calliope?”
“Yes, Dr. Knowles, I heard you. And frankly, I’m disgusted. I’d expect this kind of sexist crap from a goober of a guy like Bruce, or an old stuffy guy from the establishment, even from a fellow female like featherbrained Mabel because frankly, she doesn’t seem to know any better, but you? You? Frankly… why am I saying frankly so much? Forgive my language, but I respect the hell out of you, so I’m a little heartbroken at this moment that you of all people would stoop to society’s puny little level by judging me for the state of the semi-circles of hair placed above my eyeballs. Why do we do this to women? Who cares how little furry forehead rainbows are shaped? Whether they’re arched or straight? Thin or full? Natural or penciled in? You’re a doctor, a scientist, so surely, you know the function for eyebrows, yes?”
“Calliope—”
“Originally, it was to keep rain and sweat out of our eyes. Also, to provide a bit of a shield from the sun. And while we’ve evolved to the point that most of our body hair has been lost, the eyebrows remain. They have a purpose. And it has nothing to do with being sexy or on fleek. And they certainly should have no influence on our employment.”
Oh dammit. I am a little too juiced right now.
“Thank you for that lesson in evolution, Calliope,” Dr. Knowles says calmly.
“You’re welcome!”
“Have you gotten that out of your system?”
“Yes! And I’m sorry! That was completely disrespectful of me! Also, am I yelling!? I think I’m yelling!”
“You are, yes.”
“Alright. Dialing it down. I am dialing it down.”
