Page 3 of Flirtasaurus
“Dude, of course I pressed the emergency call button.”
“Okay, good.”
“And the door open button.”
“Sounds right.”
“And the little red firefighter hat button.”
“Fair enough.”
“I pressed ALL the buttons.”
“Oh man, I don’t think you’re supposed to press ALL the buttons.”
“IT’S NOT MY JOB TO KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THE ELEVATOR BUTTONS! IT’S YOUR JOB TO KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THE ELEVATOR BUTTONS!” For someone who is the opposite of a hot mess, I am starting to feel especially steamed.
“It’s not, actually. I have no idea how to get you out.”
“But you said you work—”
“I work here, yeah. But I have nothing to do with maintenance or… gosh, I don’t even know whose jurisdiction it is to rescue people from stuck elevators. Fire department maybe?”
“Will you please stop saying the word rescue? It makes me feel like a puppy. Or a Disney princess.”
“Now, what exactly is wrong with either one of those fantastic things?”
“Absolutely nothing is wrong with rescue puppies. From now until the end of time, yes, please Adopt Don’t Shop.”
“Agreed.”
“Disney princesses, however, are royally fucked.”
“What? No! Jasmine is the best!”
“Jasmine fan, huh?”
“Course!”
“Let me guess. The seafoam bra top and the dip in her translucent jammie pants really do it for ya?”
“No, actually. The fact that she gives Aladdin shit when he lies to her, tells her dad to screw off when he tries to control her, tells Jafar to his face he’s a punk who’d never deserve a woman of her caliber, oh and the adorable, gentle relationship she has with a fierce jungle cat who would do anything for her – those things do it for me.”
“Interesting. The, uh… the, um… the fierce jungle cat who would do anything for her? His name is Raja, by the way.”
“You don’t have to tell me, lady.”
“Seriously, quit with the lady stuff.”
“Okay.”
“You still there?”
“Yeah, I’m still here.”
“Because there was silence for a second.”
“I’m not one of those people who fears silence and feels the need to fill it.”
