Page 82 of Highlander of Steel
I daenae have Killian to teach me, but I can teach meself.
She had just made it down the steps to the courtyard, praying she would make it out of the gates before the tears came, when a voice stopped her in her tracks.
“Andwheredo ye think ye’re goin’ by yerself on such a mornin’? Did ye nae hear me when I said I wouldnae be leavin’ yer side again?”
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Ailis put her head down and kept walking across the straw-strewn cobbles of the courtyard, her hand flying to her chest to try and rub away the feelings that held her heart in a vise: guilt, longing, regret, love, all mingling together in a suffocating grip.
“One of me strides is two of yers, lass,” Killian added, walking alongside her. “Ye cannae run from me.”
He made an excellent point, but Ailis couldignore him. Didn’t he understand why she couldn’t be near him?
Of course, she hadn’t yet explained to him why she harbored so much guilt in her heart, but surely he could see that she had her reasons for dismissing him?
“Daenae make me throw ye over me shoulder, Ailis,” he warned gently as they reached the gates.
A few guards eyed her with uncertainty, as if they weren’t sure whether to let her pass or not. News had already spread that Shawn was dead and Murdock had become the Laird of Clan Ainsley, but no one had ever been quite sure what to do with her.
It seemed that had not changed.
I was always the odd one out. Now, I ken why.
“Me braither has given his permission for me to come and go as I please,” she said curtly to the guards. “He’s in the entrance hall. Ye can ask him yerselves if ye daenae believe me.”
The men turned back to whatever they had been doing, offering no further look of suspicion or word of protest as she strode on into the outside world. A strange feeling, for she had neverbeen permitted to leave the grounds before, not without an escort that hardly made it seem worth the effort.
It was the freedom she had always dreamed of, yet she couldn’t enjoy a second of it.
Not particularly good with directions, unless she was deep in the dungeons, Ailis veered toward what she hoped was the east. That was where she would find the sea, and no unexpected attendant would prevent her.
However, she found she couldn’tcontinue to ignorehim. “Why did ye nae leave with yer braither and Paisley? I told ye to leave.”
She hoped she sounded angry, her heart secretly delighted that Killian had stayed behind for her. Imagining him in that carriage, getting further and further away from her, had been a crippling torture.
“I wasnae needed or welcome,” Killian replied. “Me braither and Paisley never thought they’d see each other again. Do ye really think I’d want to be in that carriage with them? Besides, it’s nae a long journey, and she’s a healer. She can tend to him better than I can.”
It was another excellent point. If Ailis had been separated from Killian for weeks, uncertain if they would ever be reunited, she wouldn’t have wanted her brother intruding on such a happy occasion either.
“Ye could’ve ridden ahead or alongside,” she countered, her legs already beginning to tire on the mossy terrain, her fatigue and ordeal swiftly catching up to her.
“It wasnae necessary,” Killian insisted, strolling beside her with annoying ease.
Ailis shot him a confused look. “But he was the reason for everythin’ ye’ve been doin’. How could ye let him return without ye? Ye shouldbe with him, nae me.”
“On that, we’ll have to agree to disagree,” he said, his wintry blue eyes fixed on the horizon. “Aye, Fraser wasthe reason for everythin’ I’d done, and I’m glad beyond belief that he’s aliveand that he’ll survive this, but it’s nae him I need to be with. He agrees with me.”
Ailis stopped walking and turned to face him. “He would leave ye with people who, up until earlier this mornin’, were yer sworn enemies? People who put him in a cell and cut off one of his fingers? He agrees that ye should stay in such a place with such people? I daenae believe that for a second.”
“It’s the truth,” Killian replied, his gaze alight with something like hope. “He has his happiness back, and he wants me to be happy in turn. Hewasthe reason, but he’s nae anymore. That reason is ye now, Ailis. Ye are me reason for livin’, and I cannae do that if ye’re nae at me side.”
He took a step closer to her, his hand coming up as if he meant to cradle her cheek, but he paused less than half an inch from her face.
A tease, a taunt, a temptation, or his way of asking for permission? She wasn’t certain. She wasn’t certain of anything anymore.
“Ye daenae understand,” she murmured, searching his face. “If ye did, ye wouldnae be at me side at all. Ye’d be ridin’ as fast as possible away from me.”
Killian shook his head. “I heard enough of what ye told yer braither, Ailis. I agree with him; none of what has happened is yer fault, I daenae wish ye’d drowned that day either, and I’mgratefulfor the day ye were born.” He touched his hand to hercheek. “This war didnae start because of ye. It started because yer faither was a devil of a man. However, yedidend this war. What ye said to yer braither made him reconsider everythin’. He drafted a peace treaty because of ye, so if ye want to focus on somethin’, let it be that.”
