Page 34 of The Laird's Unwanted Wife
For a brief moment, Aileen considered making up an excuse before making a quick exit. But the weight of the day, of the unresolved thoughts and feelings in her heart and mind, felt entirely too much to hide any further. She blinked furiously, tears threatening to spill out and over as her voice came out in a wobbling sob. “Um … I …”
Sarah immediately jumped into action, setting her candle aside and taking Aileen into her arms. “Here, ye take a seat and I’ll finish up the tea.”
Aileen nodded, terrified to speak past the growing lump in her throat. Instead, she worked to calm herself down, watching her friend scurry about in search of another mug, a jar of honey, and hanging herbs drying near the corner of the kitchen. In what felt like moments, a steaming cup was placed before Aileen, the sweet scent of honey and spicy tang of cloves curling against her nose.
“There,” Sarah said, taking the chair beside her with her own mug in hand. “Now, take a moment and settle yerself. I had afeelin’ ye werenae well this morning. I’m sorry I didnae speak up.”
Aileen shook her head, grasping her own mug with both hands as a flood of warmth spread across her palms. “I…I shouldnae have kept it inside.” She took a ginger sip, allowing the aromatic mix to swaddle her comfortingly. “I … I wanted to speak to Gerald about it today, but there werenae an opportune time. And when there was … oh, Sarah, I’m such a coward.”
“Ye’re adjusting to a brand-new life!” Sarah insisted. “It was expected that ye’d run into a few hiccups here and there.”
Aileen nodded weakly, though she didn’t feel any better.
“Can ye tell me what exactly has ye in such a tizzy?” Sarah asked. “I can guess it has to do with yer husband and?—”
“It doesnae!” Aileen insisted, though she immediately bit her tongue. “I … I mean, it does, but it’s nae entirely his fault.” She groaned, pushing her cup aside as she set her forehead against the table. “Ah, I wish ye were married, Sarah. Then ye could tell me what to do, how to act around me new husband.”
Sarah gently rubbed Aileen’s back, her voice somewhat strained as she let out a nervous giggle. “I mean, I daenae ken how much I could help in the more … private affairs.” She suddenly gasped, lifting Aileen by her shoulders as the pair were suddenly face-to-face. “Oh, Aileen! Daenae tell me he’s poor in bed? Oh, that’s nae something ye can fix with a simple talk. I mean, me maither told me of herbs that can help, but if he cannae satisfy ye?—”
“Sarah, nay!” Aileen quickly freed herself, her face beet red and sweltering hot. She began to fidget with her nightgown, her eyes swiveling around the room to stare atanythingbut her friend. “He …” She cleared her throat, suddenly unable to raise her voice above a whisper. “He … doesnae seem interested in partaking in those activities with me. Actually, he seems quite keen on keeping me at arm’s length.”
Sarah’s expression twisted up in confusion. “Why?”
“I truly daenae ken!” Aileen threw her hands up in the air, frustration finally working its way free from the tight knots in her chest. “He told me from the start that he doesnae wish to be so intimate with me, but … but then he goes and acts so sweetly with Mollie, and says such kind and reassuring things to me. He’s carried me multiple times, Sarah.”
“Nay.”
“And he did so in such a romantic manner, and … and …” Another groan escaped Aileen’s throat. “And I daenae wish to upset him, but I daenae want him to send me away because he refuses to properly consummate our marriage. And I just want him to behonestwith me. His words so often daenae match his actions, and I daenae wish to be trapped in a loveless marriage with him. I daenae ken if we can be like fairytale lovers, but I daenae think his original plan of remainin’ strangers is realistic.”
“Have ye told him any of this?” Sarah asked.
“I tried,” Aileen said. “Last night, down in the wood cellar, but I got so angry at him. I daenae think me intent reached him, only me emotions.” She eyed her tea, grasping the cup and taking a far too big a gulp. The hot liquid scalded her tongue, the roof of her mouth; in a way, she was certain it was exactly what she deserved.
“All right, well …” Sarah pursed her lips, giving the problem a long moment of consideration. “It sounds to me like ye have two options, Aileen. Ye can try talkin’ to him again about all these feelings, or ye can simply push past it and get on with yer life. Remaining in place like this isnae working, so, ye’re going to have to choose what to do next.”
Aileen grimaced; somehow, she knew that was going to be the answer. “I’m …I’m terrified of what will happen next, Sarah.”
Sarah stood from her chair, taking Aileen into a tight embrace. “I ken, love. But ye spent so long doing what’s best for others, what will guarantee safety for Mollie. Now, it’s time to start thinkin’ for yerself; what are ye willin’ to live with, Aileen? What sort of relationship doyewant?”
That was just it, though. As she buried herself in Sarah’s embrace, Aileen couldn’t rightly find the answer to that question. She’d done everything she could to please the powerful people in her life. Now that she was in a powerful position herself, she hadn’t a clue how to handle it.
18
The next morning, Aileen practically dragged herself out of bed and down to breakfast. Mollie immediately took a chair beside Rosie and Bonnie, chatting excitedly away as they planned their entire day while sneaking goodies for the trio of deerhounds loyally sitting beside them.
While it warmed Aileen’s heart to see her sister forge bonds so quickly, a part of her wished she were still needed. At least then, she wouldn’t be forced to deal with her own problems straight away.
“Leelee, Leelee! Can I be excused?” Mollie sang, holding her empty plate out for all to see.
“Me too, me too!” Both Bonnie and Rosie chorused, holding their platters out in a similar manner.
The Ladies all shared a smile, glancing Aileen’s way. “Daenae ask us,” Katie began.
“This is Lady MacLiddel’s home,” Alison added. “It’sshewho ye need to nae insult.”
Aileen suddenly found all three little girls staring her way, their eyes wide and pleading as they pushed their plates toward her. “Gracious me!” She laughed, feeling some of her misery begin to dissipate. “Ye’re perfectly fine, wee ones. Go off and play, but I’d best nae hear ye pilferin’ the kitchens for snacks!”
The trio loudly agreed, quickly dropping out of their chairs and racing to find their cloaks for a day of snow-filled play. Maids quickly chased after them, nearly tripping over the deerhounds as they, too, bounded after their mistresses.
