Page 64 of A Virgin for the Icy Highlander
“She vanished one night, shortly before she was due to give birth. I kenned where she’d gone, and I rode after her,” he said thickly. “Later, I told the household that she’d decided to go to her faither’s castle to give birth to the bairn. I never told anyone that she’d gone there with nay intention of ever comin’ back.”
Grace swallowed past the lump in her throat. “I don’t imagine her father was too pleased when Ellie turned out to be a girl…”
“I never saw the Laird’s reaction to me lassie,” Hunter replied, his expression pinched. “But I saw Lorna’s. I arrived just after Ellie was born. The instant she saw me standin’ there, she unleashed everythin’ she had been holdin’ back throughout our year together. She screamed how much she loathed me, how I’d ruined everythin’, how I didnae even have the masculinity to give her a son, and how puttin’ herself through the disgust of bein’ touched by me hadnae been worth anythin’. She was disgusted by meandherself.”
How could anyone be disgusted by you?
Grace didn’t take her eyes off him, even as her heart broke for him.
“She was in the chair when I arrived,” he said, pointing to a boulder, as if reliving the scene. “When the screamin’ started, she got up. She shrieked that she couldnae allow her daughter to suffer the same fate as her, forced to marry for alliances and the will of others, forced to throw her life away. She got closer to the window… and I tried to calm her down, tellin’ her that I wouldnae hold any grudges if she’d just come with me or at least give the bairn to me. It was the worst thing I could have done.”
His voice caught. “She darted to the window, vowing that she would never return to me or me castle. She swore she would never let me have Ellie. She managed to get up on the sill, but I was faster than she thought. I dove forward and grabbed Ellie,but… I couldnae grab them both. I had the skirt of her nightdress in me grasp, and… she slipped. Fell. I heard the scream, and then it stopped.”
“Oh, Hunter…”
He shook his head slowly. “The maid who’d been tendin’ to Lorna took Ellie from me and told me to leave. Vowed she’d meet me outside the walls and give me back me daughter.”
A shuddering breath slipped past his lips. “I waited as long as I could, but she didnae come, and I kenned I couldnae fight so many alone. I’d leave Ellie an orphan if I went back inside to try and reclaim her then and there. I found out later that Laird MacRannock killed the maid, and that was the moment I lost Ellie for those first four years of her life.”
“But you didn’t stop,” Grace urged.
“Nay, I didnae.” He frowned. “All hell broke loose. War erupted between the MacLogans and MacRannocks again, more vicious and violent than before, until I ended it and got me daughter back, nae long before I met ye. It’s supposed to be over now, but… that man today—the new Laird MacRannock—he seems to want to rekindle it. I suppose he thinks he has somethin’ to prove, bein’ the son of a second son. Lorna’s cousin. But I didnae kill hisfaither; he was dead long before this war began, probably at his braither’s hand if I were a betting man.”
Grace got to her feet, gingerly reaching out to touch his arm. She thought she now understood why he’d had such a strangereaction to the new Laird MacRannock’s parting words, and why their journey here had felt like a farewell. Clearly, he thought she wouldn’t trust him after hearing that he hadn’t saved Lorna.
“After all of that, I have no reason to listen to anything the new Laird said,” Grace murmured, smiling sadly. “Ailis said it was a tragedy that caused more harm than anyone could have anticipated. I’m more inclined to trust her and you than I am a man who would want me to turn against you.”
Hunter shook his head and gripped the railing. “Ye dinnae understand, lass. Everyone thinks I killed me wife. And, in a way, I did.”
“Did you push her?”
“What?” His eyes flashed. “Nay! If I’d moved Ellie into the crook of me arm a second faster,I’d have saved her too—Ikenit. I just… wasnae a second faster.”
“Exactly.” Grace smiled. “So, you didn’t kill her at all. You can’t blame yourself, Hunter. She climbed up onto that sill, intending to hurt herself and Ellie. That sweet little girl is alive because of you, so don’t youdarebe so hard on yourself. Don’t you dare take responsibility for something you had no control over.”
“Stop,” he rasped, moving away from her to stand at the end of the bridge. “Ye shouldnae be speakin’ sweetly to me, offerin’ comfort. Ye shouldnae want totouchme after hearin’ that, lass. Ye should be terrified of me, of how I might ruin ye too.”
Grace tilted her chin up in defiance. “Well, I’m not scared of you in the slightest.”
“Once I have ye lass, I willnae be able to let ye go,” he growled. “I dinnae think I could let ye go even now, but ye still have time to leave. I can promise ye that much.”
She stared at him as if he were quite mad. “I don’t want to leave. And if I didn’t want to be near you, or to have you near me, do you know what I’d do?” She smirked. “I’d punch you in the nose. But look, my hands are flat and open. I’m not making a fist at all.”
“Ye shouldnae be jokin’, lass,” he said thickly, his eyes blazing. “Yeshouldbe afraid of me.”
“Why should I?” She took a step toward him.
He took a step back. “Because I’d raze Heaven and Earth to the ground if any harm befell ye, and this war isnae yet over. Ye might well be in danger if ye marry me.”
“Maybe, but notfromyou,” she countered, taking another step toward him. The bridge creaked under her feet. “If Laird MacRannock starts the war again, I won’t retreat. I’ll be there to keep Ellie safe and to give you something to come home to. Would I worry? Like a madwoman. But that doesn’t mean I’m afraid ofyou.”
His lip curled. “And if I send ye away tonight, makin’ the choice for ye?”
She laughed bitterly, striding toward him, determined to close the gap between them. She meant to shut him up before he said something he might truly regret.
Grabbing him by his shirt, rising on her tiptoes, she whispered close to his lips, “I’d like to see you try.”
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