Page 35 of The Cruel Highlander's Bride
There had been little planning when he’d killed his father, but the one thing he was sure of was that he wanted nothing to do with his father’s legacy and nothing to do with this clan. And yet here he was, in his father’s shadow, and failing just as epically.
What the hell is wrong with me?
He dropped his head onto his desk.
Sitting alone in his study, one thing was painfully clear. He was at least good at pushing people away. In fact, he excelled at it. Something about his face and general demeanor usually sent people running. Granted, he had never really done anything to encourage the opposite. If he nevertriedto get people to like him, then it wouldn’t matter if they never did…
During the whole meeting with the villagers, he had worn his cool mask of indifference so they wouldn’t see his guilt and anger and self-hatred. He’d rather they hate him than see the truth of his inadequacy.
When that indifference didn’t work to send Ciara away, he resorted to anger. She was harder to push away,always trying to see the best in him. But she would inevitably be disappointed. There was nothing to find. So he might as well push her away now, before she got any closer.
She wasn’t going to fix him or turn him into something he wasn’t.
He let himself wallow in his self-pity until even he couldn’t stand his thoughts anymore.
If he was going to be alone in here, he might as well accomplish some of the things Ciara had promised. He was not so prideful that he wouldn’t execute the plans just because they weren’t his.
Cursing the spilled ink once more, Magnus finally stood up and went to get a fresh pot from the cupboard in the corner of the room. Sitting back down, he set about writing to some of their allies and nearby clans, offering incentives and money for anyone willing to move to the village and work.
When he finally finished the last letter, Magnus shook out his aching hand. Leaning back in his chair, he let himself think about Ciara again.
Would she forgive him for this? Did he deserve it? He still needed to rectify whatever had happened when they had kissed, so he might as well add this fight to his tally.
But God, she’d been marvelous tonight. Despite everything, he couldn’t help but smile as he thought about the way she’d controlled the room in a way he could only dream about. Some people were blessed with that skill that encouraged others to perk up and listen. Ciara had that, he did not.
The whole conversation, though, she’d tried to include him, tried to share her light with him. She’d told everyone they were a team, had shared her ideas as theirs. And what was his response? He’d thrown a fit and demanded that he solve all their problems alone.
He was an idiot to do anything besides follow her lead.
Magnus needed to see her again… now.
14
“Ciara!” Olivia called out from the table. She waved her sister over with a bright smile. Her excitement was infectious. It was almost enough for Ciara to stop inwardly cursing the Laird.
Everyone was sitting around the dining hall. The women from the village were chatting happily with Elspeth and Olivia. Even Lana had a small, pleased smile on her face.
It was a stark contrast to the feelings roiling within Ciara, but maybe this was exactly what she needed right now. She wanted to celebrate her victory, and if the Laird didn’t, then she’d find celebrate with someone else, somewhere else.
With as much of a smile as she could muster, she took the seat across from Ewan and tried to forget her confrontation with the Laird. Did he have to be so infuriating, though? Why couldn’t he see himself the way she did? And did he really need to continuously resort to anger?
There were other emotions out there, although she’d rarely seen any expressed by him. Just thinking of the way he’d kicked her out of his study had her bubble of happiness bursting once more.
Nay, nay, nay more thoughts of the Laird. Nae tonight.
With a deep breath, Ciara looked up to find Ewan studying her with a new appreciation.
“Have ye really devoted yer life to teachin’ people how to read and write?” he asked softly, almost shyly.
It was the first time she’d ever seen the warrior so hesitant.
Silence fell over the room at his question. Everyone turned to stare at her, waiting for her answer.
Ciara blushed under their gazes. She still barely knew the people at the table—except her sister, of course—but they were all focused on her now.
It did take the edge off her anger, though, that the Laird had already spoken to his man-at-arms about continuing her work here. He’d promised that he’d speak to Ewan about it, and despite everything, it seemed like he had made her goals a priority.
Lana laughed. “I had to tell them all about yer heroism, Ci.”
