Page 26 of The Beast of the Highlands
“Yer eyes have gone sad,” Flynn said, propelling himself forward until he knelt before her. “Are ye worried for yer family?”
She turned her face away. “In part.”
“Are ye worried about… us?” His voice hitched.
She laughed tightly. “In part.”
“If we left tonight, would ye wed me?”
Her head twisted back around, her eyes widening. “Pardon?”
“If we rode away from this castle tonight, would ye wed me?” He placed his hands upon her thighs and gazed at her. “The notion has gone around and around in me head. Every night before I sleep, it’s there. Every morning when I wake, it’s there. And it doesnae help that Leighton keeps insistin’ we should.”
Autumn’s chin sagged to her chest, his words inspiring pleasure and pain. After the past three weeks, she would have liked nothing more than to marry him, profess her love, and look forward to a future together. But she could not ignore the shadow that loomed large over their affections.
“I will not be Helen of Troy. I told you that once.” She paused “well, I told Seashell that, but you were eavesdropping. And you dare to scold Leighton for the same thing.”
She was trying to make light of an impossible situation, but the humor rang hollow. No matter how she approached their relationship, she could not find a happy ending. Sometimes, stories were like that.
And if I continue to love him while he is someone else’s, my heart will not survive it. I cannot lower myself to being a mistress.
Besides, even if she could contemplate being his mistress, there would be equal trouble if they were ever discovered.
Flynn flinched as though he had been struck. “But if I cannae be without ye, and I cannae be with ye, where does that leave us?”
“I do not know, my love.” The last word rolled off her tongue before she could stop it.
Flynn sat back on his haunches. “Ye’re my love, too.” He brought her hand to his lips and kissed it. “I love ye, lass. I’ve been wantin’ to tell ye for weeks, but I thought ye’d bolt.”
“You… love me?” Autumn gaped at him, for though she felt the same, she had never thought they would be able to admit it to one another.
“I do, lass. I love ye, and I cannae hold it in any longer. I wouldnae be askin’ ye to wed me if I dinnae.” A smile tugged at the corners of his lips, but it was a sad one. “And I’ll love ye, nay matter what fate hands us. Aye, I stupidly said I’d marry Laird Dunn’s daughter, but I never said I’d love her, or lay with her, or have heirs by her. If I uphold the betrothal, I willnae touch anyone but ye, for the rest of me days.”
Autumn’s head whirled with so many thoughts that her temples began to pound. He was making a promise to her that she would never have asked him to make, and he was doing so of his own volition. It was precisely what she had wanted to hear. And yet, it felt like a perilous promise to make. Would it only delay their mutual heartache?
Could I bear his children and face them being called bastards?
They had not yet lain with one another, but it was becoming increasingly difficult to stop before that moment came. If she continued to be near him, even through a marriage, she doubted they would be able to resist forever.
Autumn sighed. “What if you broke that promise?”
“I’ve never gone back on me word before. If I had, we wouldnae be in this terrible situation. I’d have wed ye already and damned the Dunn Clan.”
“I love you so much, Flynn,” she gushed. “In truth, it scares me how much.”
He shuffled closer. “Ye shouldnae be afraid of love, lass. It’s the second closest thing to heaven on Earth we get. Or maybe it’s the first, when combined with… the other thing.” His eyes twinkled, making her laugh despite the heaviness of the conversation.
“I swore I would not be your mistress, and that would be breakingmyword,” she said, after a moment.
He dipped his head to kiss her thigh. “Ye would never be me mistress, lass. From this day to me last, ye’ll always be me first and only love. In my mind, ye’re already me wife. And if I cannae have ye as me wife, in the eyes of God, that willnae stop me havin’ ye as me wife here.” He brought her hand to his heart. “Me da told me I’d ken when I found true love, and the lass I should spend the rest of me life with. He was right. She’s here, sittin’ in front of me.”
“If I were more cynical, I would say you are trying to have the best of both worlds.” Autumn chuckled. “But I know you are honest. I see it, every time I look into your eyes.”
Hope sparkled in those very same eyes. “Does this mean ye’ll wed me, at least in… our own way, until there’s a way we can do it properly?”
“Aye, lad,” she mimicked his accent, “I daresay it does, though… if it ever becomes too much, I cannot promise I will not leave. If a moment comes where I must protect my heart, or I am in danger, that is what I will do.”
He nodded slowly. “Then I’ll find ye again, and keep me promise, even if we’re gray and old. And if ye’re in danger, I’ll be the one protectin’ ye.”
