Page 76 of As the Earl Likes
“And so she is.” His father smiled wryly. “Just not from the parent you thought.”
Nearly everything Sheff had believed about his father and mother, about the dynamics of their family, blew apart. It was no wonder everything had always felt so chaotic. They’d been living in a battle zone for practically Sheff’s entire life. How had it taken him so long to flee in search of peace? “But you and Mother must have reconciled…unless Min is not your child either?”
“Min is our child. After being unfaithful and birthing Ellis, your mother was most contrite. I’d long wanted a spare to go with my heir, or a daughter—I didn’t particularly care which. I just wanted more children. I always envisioned a house full of joy, especially when I fell in love with your mother. She saw it as her duty to give me a second child, and so she did. We have not shared a bed since.”
Sheff’s heart ached for this man who’d been utterly rejected by the woman he’d loved. “Do you love her still?”
“Heavens, no. She quite killed that with her treatment of me. I finally understood there was no hope when she became pregnant with Ellis. Then, watching the way she treats Ellis…” The duke pursed his lips, and his jaw clenched with anger. “I can truly say that I loathe her now. I’m sorry to have to say that to you, but you deserve the truth.”
His mind reeling, Sheff released the table and laid his hand atop it. What he wouldn’t give for a glass of something strong. Gin, perhaps. “I wish you’d told me sooner.”
“As much as I detest your mother, I never wanted to spoil your relationship with her.”
“But it was at the expense of your relationship with me. Doesn’t that mean something?”
The duke’s eyes filled with tears once more. He blinked them away and wiped his hand over his face. “I suppose a small part of me still loves your mother—at least enough to not want her children to hate her.”
A sadness settled inside Sheff. He was somehow even more petrified of marriage than ever. His father had fallen in love and wed believing a beautiful life lay in front of him. He’d been so wrong. “I think you’ve just confirmed that I should not wed.”
“You’ve changed your mind about Miss Harker? I thought you were in love. You are—at your core—a romantic like me, I think.” He smiled. “I was hoping you would fall in love, and it seems you have. Your betrothed can’t be like your mother.”
No, Sheff couldn’t imagine Jo entering into a marriage because she wanted a title or money or anything but love. And she didn’t even want that—marriage or love.
Sheff hadn’t thought he did either. But knowing what he knew now, could he take the same risk his father had taken?
“Why did you choose to be a libertine?” Sheff asked.
“As I explained, I was looking for love, or at least comfort. I wanted to feel wanted. And I knew how much your mother hated my behavior. I’m not proud of wanting to provoke her, but there it is.”
Sheff had done the same thing with his fake betrothal scheme. He’d wanted to provoke his parents. In doing so, he’d unearthed secrets he’d never imagined.
His father shrugged. “Being a libertine is now who I am.”
“You could change.” Sheff realized he was addressing his own fear with that statement. He was afraid of being like his father, worried that he was already on that path. But now that he knew the truth about his father, he had to reassess that assumption. Perhaps Sheff could choose not to be that way. He’d already successfully mastered celibacy.
Of course, that was easy when you only wanted the one person you couldn’t have.
The duke blinked. “Why would I change?”
“Because the drinking is going to get you into serious trouble. Or kill you. And why not just take a mistress? Someone long term. I thought perhaps that was what you’d done here since you’re gone every night.”
Very small swaths of pink slashed briefly up his cheekbones. “I have met someone to warm my bed while I’m here.”
“Perhaps she does more than that?” Sheff could hope. With his father’s revelations, Sheff wanted nothing more than for him to find—and receive—love.
“I’m always afraid to find out,” the duke whispered, once again shocking Sheff with his honesty.
“Perhaps it’s time to take a risk again,” Sheff said, wondering if he should do the same. With Jo. He could tell her how he felt. And then what? Marry? The fear he’d felt a moment ago had not really dissipated. Even if his father was right that he was a romantic, Sheff wasn’t entirely convinced.
“Perhaps,” his father murmured. “But I’ll still have to return to London at some point.”
“Yes, but I think it’s time you and Mother lived apart. Other couples do this—Wellesbourne’s parents lived in different cities. Find Mother a new house somewhere fashionable.”
The duke barked a laugh. “She will never consent to that. Managing Henlow House was one of the reasons she wed me. And the Duchess of Wellesbourne was—wrongly—vilified for taking their daughters and living separately. She was called a pariah for not standing by her husband. Your mother would not want to chance that happening to her.”
“I’ll speak to her,” Sheff said with determination. “I’ll find her a new house.”
His father’s face creased into a deep frown. “No, Sheff. This is one mess I won’t let you tidy. Perhaps it is time I make some changes. But first, I’ve a party to host.”
