Page 62 of When the Viscount Seduces
“No, I can’t ask that—or anything else of you.”
“I wish you would explain,” Gwen said. “You can tell me.”
“There’s nothing to tell.” Now he sounded cold. “I am a rogue, and you know that. You are far better off without me. Choose one of your other gentlemen. They will all make you far happier than I ever could.”
“I don’t agree,” she said quietly.
He moved toward the door. “If you ask to see me again, I won’t come.” He kept his back to her. “I do appreciate your reading exercises, though I will understand if you choose to stop sending them.”
“I won’t. I will always help you, Lazarus.” Gwen’s heart was breaking. This was worse than she’d expected. He wasn’t even saying he didn’t care about her, just that he wasn’t good enough for her. That should be her choice, not his.
But there was something else. Something pulling at him. Something he would not reveal.
He left without saying anything more. Gwen wobbled on shaky legs to sit in a chair. She didn’t cry, though she was devastated. She just felt…hollow.
Tamsin came in and rushed to sit near Gwen. “What happened? You don’t look happy.”
“He urged me to choose someone else.”
“He doesn’t reciprocate your feelings, then?” Tamsin’s brow creased.
“He says he isn’t good enough for me, but he also mentioned there were reasons he couldn’t be with me. Though, he did not explain what those are. I suppose he just means that his reputation prevents him from doing so.” Gwen shook her head. “I don’t know.”
Tamsin touched Gwen’s hand. “I’m so sorry. What can I do?”
“Nothing. I don’t think there’s anything to be done.” Gwen summoned a grateful smile for her sweet friend. “I think I need to take a respite from the whirl of the Season. For a few days. Or perhaps a week.”
“Isn’t there an important ball tonight?” Tamsin asked. “A friend of your father’s?”
Blast, that was true. “After tonight, then.” Gwen was suddenly tired of all the effort it took to be marriageable. She wanted time with her books. “I wonder if we could also attend a literary salon on Monday. I’ll send Jo a note.”
“Actually, I just received one from her while you were speaking with Somerton. I have an invitation to attend on Monday. I will only go, however, if you accompany me.”
Gwen’s answering smile was genuine. “That would be lovely.”
She may not have won Lazarus, but at least she had books. Beautiful, trustworthy, faithful books.
CHAPTER 14
Gulping air as he strode away from the Droxfords’ house, Lazarus tried not to think of the gut-wrenching look of disappointment on Gwen’s face as he’d told her that he couldn’t be with her. He’d considered telling her the truth, but what would that solve? Absolutely nothing. True or not, the existence of the allegation would ensure Gwen never looked at him with affection again.
Or love.
God, she’d tried to tell him that she loved him. He nearly doubled over as he walked.
How was it possible that he’d finally found love, where he’d least expected it, and couldn’t embrace it with both hands? Fury raged through him—entirely directed at himself.
Even if he hadn’t actually bedded Miss Worsley, he’d put himself into a position where it was not only possible but likely. If he were an upstanding gentleman with a pristine reputation, this would not be happening.
He’d blithely sauntered his way through life thinking his behavior wasn’t that bad. He toed the line, but never crossed it. But now he may have done the unthinkable, and worse, he didn’t even remember.
Lazarus made his way to Piccadilly. He dearly hoped Shefford would finally be at home. He hadn’t been last night, nor had he been at any of their regular haunts. And he hadn’t been home earlier today either. It would be just Lazarus’s luck if he’d left town for a few days, which would not be unheard of.
He could only pray that Shefford recalled something of that night last November. If he did not, Lazarus wasn’t sure what to do next. Aside from marry Miss Worsley and become father to her child. The world felt as if it were closing in around him.
Shefford’s valet opened the door. He appeared unsurprised to see Lazarus for the third time in less than a day. Indeed, Lazarus didn’t have to utter a word before the valet said, “His lordship is present now. I informed him you would be calling at some point this afternoon. He’ll receive you in his study.”
“Thank you, Spears.” Lazarus practically ran to the study, not that he needed to since the apartment wasn’t terribly large.
