Page 60 of When the Viscount Seduces
But if he refused to wed Miss Worsley, and her family told everyone he was the father of her child, Lazarus wouldn’t be able to marry Gwen. She wouldn’t want him. He wasn’t even sure she wanted him now. He was already arogue. Miss Worsley’s allegations made him out to be a complete blackguard. He wouldn’t be fit to be anyone’s husband.
How had he ever thought he was good enough for Gwen? He’d behaved poorly with her, giving in to his baser desires. Never mind his past transgressions, which perhaps included fathering a child on an innocent young lady.
“I can see this weighs heavily on you,” Droxford said with sympathy. “I’m sorry this has happened. I hope Sheff is able to help.”
“I hope so too.” Lazarus got slowly to his feet. “I appreciate your counsel, Drox.”
“I wish I could do more. Hopefully, all will turn out right.” He clasped Lazarus’s shoulder in a rare show of support or perhaps even affection.
“Thank you for your discretion. You’re a good friend.”
“We are all in need of discretion at one time or another,” Droxford said cryptically. “That’s what friends are for.”
Lazarus nodded, then departed in search of Shefford. He prayed his friend hadn’t been as inebriated that night and could remember what happened. If he didn’t, Lazarus feared he was ruined.
Though Gwen had not received a response to her invitation from Lazarus, she went to Tamsin’s anyway, hoping he would come. She hadn’t included the reading exercise in the note to Lazarus because she hadn’t finished it yet. But it was now complete and tucked in her pocket.
Tamsin received her in the drawing room upstairs. “I got your note, of course,” she said without preamble, bringing Gwen to sit with her on the settee.
Gwen had also dispatched a missive to Tamsin that morning saying she needed to meet Lazarus at her house that afternoon. “Thank you for letting me descend upon you with little notice. And for not being angry with me for not even really asking.” She grimaced faintly.
“There is no need to thank me,” Tamsin assured her. “Your note said you needed to speak with Somerton about a matter of urgency. Is everything all right?”
“I hope it will be,” Gwen said. “I find I don’t want our association to be over. In fact, I’d rather it continued. Perhaps in a more…intimate manner.”
Tamsin’s eyes rounded. “Oh! Has something happened since you kissed him at the literary salon?”
“I’ve realized I have developed a tendre for him,” Gwen confessed. “I’m rather smitten, to be honest.” She felt warmthin her cheeks, but didn’t care. It wasn’t from embarrassment, but from the excitement of sharing that with one of her dearest friends. “How did you know you had feelings for Droxford? I know it wasn’t before you wed, given the manner in which you had to marry.”
“Actually, I had started to fall for him by then,” Tamsin said with a shy smile. “I didn’t realize it at the time, but my father’s proposal that I wed followed by my acquaintance with Isaac showed me an enticing future I hadn’t considered. I know Isaac appears brusque and brooding, but to me, he has always been drily witty and exceptionally caring. Almost from the moment we became acquainted, he made me feel protected and important. He was the first person outside my family and my closest friends who really saw me, if that makes sense.”
“It does, actually. I feel that way about Lazarus. He doesn’t care that I can’t dance or will likely spill a drink on his favorite waistcoat. And when he planned that special evening, taking me to the literary salon…” Gwen couldn’t help grinning. “Well, that was definitely when I began to feel differently about him.”
Tamsin grinned too. “That’s so lovely.”
But Gwen sobered rather quickly. “I just don’t know if he feels the same. I mean, he’s a rogue. He’s never given any indication that he wants to marry.”
“Neither did Isaac. Even after we were wed,” Tamsin added wryly. “If you recall, he wanted a marriage in name only. I can’t imagine my cousin would want that, however. Particularly since you’ve already kissed. You are way ahead of where Isaac and I were.”
“I know you and Lazarus aren’t close, but have you never heard him discuss marriage?” Gwen asked. Her mother’s counsel, that Lazarus wouldn’t be a good husband, lingered in the back of her mind, but while Gwen wanted to please herparents, she also couldn’t deny her own feelings. “I assume he’ll have to wed at some point. Doesn’t he need an heir?”
“Yes, and while my grandmother has laughingly said he’s sowing his oats, she did indicate at Christmas that it’s time he settled down. My aunt—his mother—agrees and had hoped he would take a bride this Season.” Tamsin lifted a shoulder. “You never know what will happen. Are you planning to tell him how you feel? Is that why you wanted to see him today?”
Gwen nodded. “But I’m so nervous. What if he laughs at me?”
“He won’t! And if he does, I’ll kick him. Repeatedly.” Tamsin patted Gwen’s hand and gave her an encouraging nod. “Perhaps he feels the same about you and he will make his mother and our grandmother happy by marrying you.”
“I’m not sure I dare believe that,” Gwen whispered.
The butler appeared in the doorway and announced the arrival of Lord Somerton. Gwen’s insides curled into tight, little knots. Her heart beat a rapid pace.
“Show him to the library,” Tamsin said. When the butler departed, she looked to Gwen. “You’ve gone pale. Pinch your cheeks before you see him. Or think of kissing him. That’ll put some color in your face.” She smiled, and Gwen laughed.
“Thank you.”
They stood together, and Tamsin said she would be here afterward, no matter what happened.
Then Gwen went downstairs to the library, walking alternately fast and then slow as she couldn’t quite decide if she was excited for the coming conversation or dreading the result.
