Page 91 of If the Duke Dares
Pain still lingered in Acton’s chest. “Why did you never tell me the truth? Especially after Father died?”
“Not telling you was part of our arrangement.” There was that word. Acton understood now. “When he died, my primary goal was to find a way back into your life. That you allowed me to move into the dowager house was beyond my dreams. I thought that in time, I might tell you, but I could see how much you admired and loved your father and didn’t want to take that away from you.”
That was perhaps the most selfless thing Acton had ever heard. But she was wrong about one thing. “I didn’t love him,” Acton whispered. “Sometimes, I think I hated him. Until I learned not to feel that either.” Waves of emotion flooded him.
She put her hands on his forearms. “Oh, Acton. I should have fought harder.” Tears tracked down her cheeks.
He shook his head, feeling the tears he needed to shed, but could not release. “You did the only thing you could.”
“I should have found a way to tell you the truth, so that you would know that I love you, that I have always loved you.”
Emotion overpowered him, closing his throat. He wanted to say he loved her too, but how could he? “I don’t know if Icanlove.”
“Of course you can. You may not remember Domino—the cat—but you loved him very much.”
Acton had thought he’d loved his nurse and his dog, but in this moment, he doubted everything he’d known. “That was a long time ago. Before Father ruined me.” God, he felt so broken, and he’d just been blithely sailing through life as if nothing truly mattered. Because until now, perhaps it hadn’t.
She cupped his face once more. “I never imagined your father would hurt you so badly. Youcanlove. I know it. You’re my son.Mine.” The ferocity and commitment in her voice unleashed something inside him.
At last, a tear fell down his face. She wiped it away. “Just let everything out. I’m here, my dearest. My darling, darling boy.” Moving closer, she wrapped her arms around him.
He bent to hold her as more tears followed. But he wasn’t sad. He felt…joy. He felt free.
“I love you, Mama,” he whispered, knowing he’d said this exact thing hundreds of times as she’d held him in his arms.
“I love you too, Acton.” She kissed his cheek and stroked his back.
It was a long while before they broke apart. Acton’s back had stiffened. He couldn’t imagine his mother was comfortable kneeling on the floor. “Can I help you up?” he offered.
“Yes, please,” she said with a light laugh.
Acton guided her to stand and rose from the chair. While he was glad they’d had this conversation and knew they would certainly have more like it, he wanted to ask about something she’d said recently. “You indicated not too long ago that there were things about me you didn’t like, but that you wouldn’t share them. What are those things?”
“It isn’t that I don’t like them. I’m surprised by them—one is how unattached you seem. I worried you grew up to be too much like your father, but I could see hints of who you might be underneath. Today, you’ve confirmed I was right, that you are not at all like your father. The other is your reputation.” She pursed her lips slightly. “I know you have not had the best role model, but I am hopeful, now more than ever, that you will not turn out like your father when it comes to love and marriage.”
“Do you mean you hope I won’t toss my wife and daughters aside?” Acton couldn’t keep his lip from curling. Any respect he’d had for his father evaporated. “Or that I won’t keep a mistress in London.”
“Both of those things. For a start.”
“I would never do those things.” Loyalty may not have been important to Acton’s father, but it was crucial to him. When he married, he would be entirely faithful. He couldn’t help but think of Persey and the ways in which she’d instigated the changes in him—changes that made him feel proud and happy. The decision to wed had come from his desire to please his father, but now it was something completely different. Persey had shown him how it felt to be with a woman who inspired and motivated him. They shared a connection he never would have imagined. Committing to a woman like her would not only be easy, it would make him happier than he ever thought possible.
This revelation about his thoughts on faithfulness prompted him to once more wonder if his mother had been loyal to his father. Acton rather hoped she hadn’t. He didn’t deserve that. More importantly, she deserved happiness after suffering her husband’s cruelty. “Did you…have someone?”
She shook her head. “I took my vows to your father quite seriously, even if he did not. Besides, I was very busy with your sisters.” A bit of color rose in her cheeks. “I may have become friendly with a gentleman in the past few years, but we did not allow our friendship to grow into something else.”
“You could not be more unlike my father.” Acton recalled what Cecily had said about their mother, that she possessed a soft disposition. That was the exact opposite of their father as well as being what he’d most feared his son could be. Acton wanted to feel outraged that he’d been raised by such a cold, unfeeling stone instead of the loyal, caring woman before him, and he supposed he was—a little. But he preferred to look forward, to the closeness he would share with her and his sisters in the future. He inhaled deeply, as if to cleanse the past away. “I should let you get ready for the soiree.”
“I’m so glad you came to see me,” she said, her expression turning a bit shy. “I was hoping we would have this conversation someday. Do you feel any better?”
“As if a weight has been removed from my shoulders—one I wasn’t even aware was there.” He couldn’t help but think of Persephone and the fact that he’d told her he wasn’t capable of love. It seemed he was. But did he love her? Could he even recognize what that felt like?
He needed to find out.
Chapter21
Aunt Lucinda beamed as she entered the Dowager Duchess of Wellesbourne’s house flanked by her nieces. Persephone and Pandora had been delighted by their new gowns, and it had been enough to, at last, persuade Pandora to attend.
Persephone was glad. Pandora looked radiant in the dark rose trimmed with ivory lace and ribbon. Furthermore, Pandora had decided she didn’t care what happened tonight. She’d hold her head up and show the world she was strong. Then, tomorrow, they would prepare to leave for Cornwall. They hadn’t yet received a response from Tamsin, but expected it would arrive soon.
