Page 92 of Impossible
She blinked at him. “You told them you were coming to see me?”
“Tofetchyou. Honestly, part of the reason I decided to look for you, aside from my own desires and the love I still have for you, was them, Rebecca in particular. Six months after her mother died, she came to see me and said it was time I found a new mother for them. She suggested you, but I must confess I never stopped thinking about you. Our months together were the happiest of my life. I’m ashamed to say that Letitia’s death filled me with hope that we might have a future together. I’m so pleased to find you haven’t wed someone else.”
Ada couldn’t help feeling a rush of happiness that Rebecca wanted to have her for a mother. But then she felt a surge of dread that Jonathan’s feelings hadn’t changed while hers had. She decided to ignore the latter in favor of the former. “I do miss the children. They’re all well?”
“Very, including the babe. Her name is Constance.”
All the air left Ada’s lungs. “Not for me?” She practically squeaked the last word.
“Only I know that, but yes. As I said, you’ve never been far from my mind, Ada. Or my heart. I would have started to search for you sooner, but I thought I should observe a mourning period—for the children.”
This was so strange and unexpected. Ada felt as though she were watching this encounter as a spectator, as if it were happening to someone else. She couldn’t return his sentiments as much as she might want to. Did she want to? This was all she’d wanted for so long—a family to call her own, a place where she was wanted and needed. “I’ve, ah, been so fortunate here at the Phoenix Club. I am quite content.”
“I’m relieved to hear it, but you can’t want to stay here forever? I want you to come back to Cornwall with me. You’ll be mistress of Tidwell and mother to four children who already love you—plus any others we will have together.” His brown eyes shone with love and hope.
Ada couldn’t ignore that it was tempting, especially the part about future children. She’d never even dared to dream that would be possible, that she and Jonathan could live happily as husband and wife with children of their own. To do so would mean she’d wished for his wife to die, and she’d never wanted that.
“This is such a shock,” was all she could manage to say. She was more than happy at the Phoenix Club and with her current life.
A life that, at the moment anyway, included a certain viscount she was, unfortunately and unrequitedly, madly in love with.
“I can imagine,” he said. “I’m sure you need time to think and to adjust to such a big change. You seem to have a good life here, and I presume leaving it might be difficult. I can only hope you’ll want to.” He gave her a warm, encouraging smile, reminding her of his kindness and concern, traits she’d adored, especially after the cold bitterness of her own family.
She would at least do him the courtesy of considering his proposal. It was the sensible thing to do, and if she’d learned to be nothing else, she was sensible. He was offering her a lifetime of security and love. A family. A permanent place. “I presume you’re staying somewhere in town?”
“Yes, with an old friend from my school days—Reginald Huxton.”
“I know Reggie. He and his wife are members here.” Ada had no idea they knew Jonathan, but then why would she?
“I didn’t realize. I wasn’t specific about where I was going today.” He lifted his hand as if he were going to touch her again but then changed his mind and set it back in his lap.
Ada gently exhaled with relief. She wasn’t entirely sure how she felt about seeing Jonathan again, but she knew she wasn’t ready to resume their relationship. She stood, eager to be alone with her thoughts. Or at least not with him.
Jonathan also got to his feet. “When can I see you next?”
“I’m not sure. You’ve given me a great deal to think about. I do have a good life here and I’m very happy.”
“You look happy. There’s an air of joyful calm about you, but then you always possessed such a positive energy.”
“You used to say I was brighter than the sun.” She felt a surge of nostalgia and perhaps a bit of sadness for what she’d lost. But she’d come to terms with that some time ago.
“You still are.” He took her hand and kissed the back. “You know where to find me. Just know that I’ll be back if I don’t hear from you soon.”
She followed him to the door, holding it as he left. Evie and Lucien stood just inside the members’ den. They watched as Jonathan walked from the office, then hastened to join Ada.
“What did he want?” Evie asked.
Ada blinked as if she were coming out of a trance. “His wife died. He asked me to marry him.”
Evie’s eyes rounded, and Lucien wiped a hand over his face.
Evie looked at her expectantly. “What did you say?”
“That I had to think about it.” Ada’s insides roiled—this was so utterly unexpected.
“Are you truly considering it?” Evie sounded as if she were holding her breath.
“I don’t know. I think I’d be foolish not to. There’s a great deal of security in being a gentleman’s wife.” It was as if she were trying to convince herself, which she supposed she was.
