Page 91 of Impossible
“Then I’m staying too,” Lucien said, walking to the far side of the fireplace, where he leaned against the mantel.
Ada wasn’t at all sure she wanted them as an audience for whatever Jonathan was here to say. But she also wasn’t able to form words at the moment. She’d never thought to see him again.
“Show him in,” Evie said, giving Ada’s suddenly frigid hand a squeeze.
Jonathan entered, hat in his hands, his familiar face tugging at something deep inside Ada, something she’d thought forever buried. His brown eyes crinkled at the edges, his mouth splitting into his charming, boyish smile. “Ada, you look well.”
Somehow, she managed to speak. “As do you. I’m shocked to see you, however.”
His focus darted to Evie and then Lucien before settling on Ada once more. She answered his silent question. “Allow me to introduce my employers, Lord Lucien Westbrook and Mrs. Evangeline Renshaw.”
Jonathan bowed. “I’m so pleased to meet the people who’ve given my Ada a haven.”
Ada bristled.HisAda?
Smiling tightly, Jonathan continued, “I wonder if we might have a few minutes alone to speak privately. I’ve some news I wish to share with Ada.”
Ada whispered to Evie, “I’ll be fine. Would you mind waiting outside and taking Lucien with you?”
Evie squeezed her hand again before letting it go. “I’ll be just outside if you need me.” She stood and looked to Lucien, silently indicating he should go with her.
Lucien didn’t seem to want to, but he went, his gaze fixed on Jonathan. “We’ll berightoutside.”
The door closed, leaving Ada alone with the man she’d once loved. The man whose child she’d carried and who’d broken her heart. No, she’d served up her heart to be broken by engaging in such a foolish affair in the first place.
Ada hadn’t meant to fall in love with Jonathan, even knowing his wife hadn’t loved him herself. Their marriage had been arranged when they were children, and Letitia had made no secret about not even finding him attractive. Ada sometimes wondered if the things Letitia said had prompted Ada’s tendre for him, that perhaps she’d felt bad for him to be trapped in a marriage in which neither he nor his wife were particularly happy. Like Ada, Jonathan deserved to be loved and appreciated. Though they’d tried to resist their mutual attraction—and had for over a year—their lonely hearts had latched on to each other, and Ada had convinced herself that it was all right, that what they shared was pure and true, even though he was already married to another. She hadn’t thought past her own need for love and intimacy. In many ways, she felt as much guilt for her behavior with Jonathan as she did for her sister’s death.
Jonathan came to perch beside her on the settee, pulling her from her reverie. He angled his body toward her and set his hat down behind him on the cushion. He gazed at her with an expression she’d seen many times—abject longing. Did he still harbor feelings for her? “You look so very well.”
“Thank you. I am well. How did you find me?”
“I hired someone, actually. It took some time to locate you.” He glanced around the office. “What sort of club is this? What is it you do here?”
There was a touch of alarm in his questions, and she wondered what he thought the Phoenix Club was. “It’s a members’ club—for men and women. It’s unlike anything else in London. I am the bookkeeper.” She cocked her head. “What did you think I was?”
Relief relaxed his features. “Honestly, I had no idea. But when I was told the other side was for women only and this side was for men, my imagination ran a bit wild.”
“Did you think I’d become a prostitute?” She’d told him what she’d done that one time, when she’d been at her absolute lowest. “I said I’d never do that again.”
“I know, but life can be difficult.” He reached for her hand. “I would never judge you for it, my darling. I still love you so very much.”
His feelings hadn’t waned. She never expected this. “Why are you here?”
“Letitia died last year giving birth to our fourth child. She’s a girl, which has delighted Rebecca.”
Ada was sad that his wife had died, especially in childbirth. It was one of her greatest fears. Leaving a child motherless and vulnerable was perhaps the primary reason Ada had decided not to have the baby. “I’m so sorry about Letitia.” She patted his hand and then drew hers away, which was awkward since his hand was in her lap.
He took the hint, however, and pulled it back. “It has been difficult, particularly on the children. Rebecca has tried to play mother, which shouldn’t surprise you.”
Rebecca was his eldest daughter, a commanding and inquisitive child whom Ada had adored. She would be ten by now. There were also two boys, daring and playful.
“No, that doesn’t surprise me,” Ada murmured. She did miss his children. And for a long time, she’d missed Jonathan.
“You can probably imagine why I’ve come.” His eyes held an expectant glimmer.
“I can’t, actually.” Did he want to ask her to return as his governess so they could continue their affair? She’d never told him about the child. What would have been the point? She’d simply given her notice, saying she’d found another position.
“I want you to be my wife. To be the mother of my children. They adore you so. They can hardly wait for me to return with you.”
