Page 50 of Impossible
“It’s best for both of us if we part as friends,” she added, slowly taking her hand from his. “I can see your heart was broken. Mine was too.” She looked away, and he realized the rain had stopped. “I like you. Far more than I expected to. In truth, I’d planned to avenge Prudence, not that I’d any idea how I might accomplish that.” A faint smile teased her lips. “In any case, I was prepared to dislike you. I meant to do my job and be on my way.” Her gaze locked with his. “But this has been so much more. I feel like I helped you, at least with the estate, and I hope you don’t mind.”
“Not at all. I’m surprisingly glad you came. And youhavehelped, with more than just the estate.” She’d awakened him from his misery.
“I’m so glad. Youwillfind a path through this.” She gave him an encouraging smile, but it didn’t soothe the sting of her dismissal of their mutual attraction.
Hewouldfind his way. He’d just do it alone.
That was why he had defenses and why he needed to keep them in place. He’d suffered so much pain. It was impossible to manage. If he didn’t care and didn’t feel, he could stumble through each day without anguish.
But that also meant he went without joy and a multitude of other emotions. He began to wonder if it was truly worth the effort.
“We should get back,” he said. The magic of the afternoon had passed. “I know you still have a great deal of work to do, and you’ve only tomorrow left to complete it.”
“I hope you’ll have dinner with me,” she said tentatively.
“It might be best if we don’t.” He stood and helped her to her feet. Then he packed up the rest of the basket while she picked up and folded the blanket. “You’re right that this is a temptation we should avoid. Besides, I need to learn to get on without you here.”
He ought to have offered her his arm, but he didn’t want her to touch him again. He didn’t trust his most basic impulses. It was torture not to kiss her.
Without looking back, he carried the basket to the cart and set it inside. He lingered there while she made her way to join him. She set the blanket on the basket and went to climb into the cart. Again, he should have helped her and again he didn’t, like the dolt he was.
She might have helped him step back into the light. He just wasn’t sure he could stay.
Ada stared up at the bed hangings. Was Max really going to let her leave without saying goodbye? Without even seeing her? She hadn’t clapped eyes on him since they’d returned to the house yesterday following their picnic.
During which he’d admitted to knowing they’d kissed, and it seemed likely he was going to kiss her again. Until she’d put a stop to it. She feared she would regret that for the rest of her days.
More than you’d regret having sex with him? Because you know that very well could have come next.
I’ll never know, shall I?
These arguments with herself were becoming quite tedious. She looked forward to returning to London tomorrow and prayed for a quieter mind.
Except she suspected her thoughts would be occupied with the beast of Stonehill for some time. She nearly giggled at the title. Now he definitely sounded like some sort of gothic romantic hero.
Her humor faded quickly. There was no romance here. She wondered if there was truly even friendship since he hadn’t bothered to come to dinner last night or tonight. He hadn’t even popped into the library.
Perhaps she’d hurt him yesterday. Did he feel rejected? She’d hate it if she caused him pain. This was about her and not repeating past mistakes. It had nothing to do with him at all, beyond the fact that she found him too damn tempting. If she could live without consequences, she would have greedily taken him in her arms yesterday.
Even with consequences, she’d considered it.
But aside from repeating mistakes, she was far too romantically minded. She fell in love easily—or at least with the idea of being in love. One would think she’d be safe from any sort of romantic inclination where the viscount was involved, but he’d shown himself to be a man of great depth. He realized he needed to change, and he was trying to do so. That took an enormous amount of courage, particularly given what he’d been through.
How she wished she knew the specifics, if only because she thought it would likely help him to unburden himself. He had, at least somewhat, and she was grateful she could be a support to him.
Turning to her side, she closed her eyes. She needed to sleep. Morning would come far too soon.
A sound made her eyes jolt open. Was that a knock? Rolling back over, she slipped from the bed and padded to the door on bare feet.
Without waiting for a second knock—if there’d even been a first—she opened the door. Framed beyond the threshold stood the primary object of her thoughts.
The edge of Max’s mouth lifted in a near smile. “I can’t sleep.”
“Me neither.” She opened the door wider in silent invitation.
He stepped inside, and she closed the door behind him. “I probably shouldn’t have come.”
“I’m glad you did. Now I can berate you for ignoring me since yesterday.”
