Page 55 of Intolerable
“Thank you. My mother is intent on seeing her wed, but I won’t force her. I suspect I’m going to have to tell my mother to stop meddling.”
“Tell her that meddling parents are horrid. I’d be happy to share my own experience,” she added with a laugh.
He smiled, appreciating her camaraderie. “Thank you, but I daresay that wouldn’t help.”
“Why is your mother so insistent if your sister is reluctant?”
He hesitated, and she almost said he didn’t have to tell her. But then he blurted, softly, “My sister got into some trouble in Gloucestershire. She kissed a gentleman when she shouldn’t have and was seen doing so. Her reputation is in tatters, so Mother brought her here to wed. She’s in a hurry to do so before the gossip follows them here.”
“Oh dear.” She sent him a sympathetic look as she leaned toward him. “The good news is that it may take some time for that information to reach London. The bad news is that it may not.”
“I keep thinking of how that could have been us.” He spoke in a low tone, not that Kat would be listening to them. And he highly doubted Miss Lancaster could hear anything over Kat’s talking. His sister possessed a louder than average speaking voice, particularly when she was engaged in a topic that interested her.
“Wewereseen,” Cassandra murmured.
“Yes. But that was two days ago, and, fortunately, no one has said anything. I take it Lady Aldington and Evie are doing as they indicated and keeping the information to themselves.” He’d wondered if he’d run into Evie at the club last night but hadn’t seen her.
“Sabrina called on me yesterday to discuss it. She supposed it could have been a one-time occurrence. I did not correct her.” She cast him a sidelong glance. “I don’t expect a proposal.”
He felt a rush of relief and then instantly felt bad because of it.
“At least not now,” she added.
Ruark nearly tripped.
Cassandra gripped his arm more tightly. “I know you won’t wed until you’re thirty, and I understand. I’ve decided to wait for you.”
He slowed so that they nearly stopped. “You can’t do that.”
“I want to.” She urged him onward, tugging his arm.
Mind spinning, he walked forward as if he were in a trance. “I can’t ask you to do that.”
“You aren’t. I want to.”
They were nearly to the Serpentine. The others had just reached the edge. Ruark could see Kat’s enthusiasm from here. She leaned over the water and held her hand out to the ducks.
He stopped, turning toward Cassandra. “I can’t promise to marry you in three years. The whole point of the vow I made was to wait, to make sure I am ready and—” He didn’t want to say to ensure he was making the right choice. Now, in this moment, he thought it could be her. But he’d thought that before.
Her eyes were warm, her expression compassionate. “I understand. And I can wait. Iwantto wait. I love you enough for both of us…until you’re ready.”
It was as if someone stood on his chest. He couldn’t draw a deep breath. She couldn’t love him. He didn’t want her to.
“I—I have to go.” He walked away from her and went to his mother and sister, telling them they needed to return home, that he had an appointment.
“Lovely,” Kat said, turning from the water with an ease that surprised him. He’d expected her to balk given her interest in the waterfowl. “I’m exhausted from traveling.”
Of course she was. “Then let us return home immediately.” He looked to his mother who nodded despite looking slightly disgruntled.
Ruark bowed to Lady Aldington. “Good afternoon.” He inclined his head to Miss Lancaster. As he turned, he saw Cassandra’s deeply furrowed brow and hated that he’d caused her distress. But he couldn’t stay. He couldn’t listen to her plan their future or make declarations of love.
He’d already decided his future for at least the next three years, and she couldn’t be a part of it.
Ruark had spent the prior evening closeted in his study. He hadn’t even joined his mother and Kat for dinner. Later, he’d learned that Kat had slept through it, so he didn’t feel bad. He simply hadn’t been able to summon the wherewithal to face his mother after what had happened at the park with Cassandra.
She’d sounded so certain.I’ve decided to wait for you. I want to wait. I love you enough for both of us.
Her words had repeated over and over in his brain until he’d drunk enough whisky to stop the refrain. Unfortunately, that meant he was now suffering a terrible hangover. He deserved nothing less for leading Cassandra down this hopeless path. He never should have let things progress to this point.
