Page 88 of Impassioned
“I can’t imagine they would.” Sabrina slowly lowered herself into the chair facing his in front of the hearth. The usual twitter of anxiety rattled inside her. She clasped her hands together in case they started to quiver.
“It’s a rather unusual situation.” His voice carried an air of detachment. Sabrina couldn’t tell at all how he was feeling. “My father has ended your sponsorship of Cassandra.”
Though she wasn’t surprised, Sabrina was still disappointed. “Because the ball was such a mess?”
He tipped his head in a slight nod. “And because I didn’t hold up my end of a bargain we made.” Before she could ask him about that, he asked, “Was the tutor stratagem your idea or Lucien’s?”
Sabrina licked her suddenly very dry lips. “Lucien’s. And Evie’s. She suggested it to me.”
Constantine’s nostrils flared. “They worked together then.”
“Yes.”
He speared her with a dark stare. “With you.”
“Yes. You were also involved,” she added quietly, her gaze drifting to her lap.
“Of course I was involved—I was the mark.”
She snapped her head up. “You weren’t a mark.”
“Wasn’t I? You were all in on the ruse while I was the dupe.” He wasn’t wrong, and it was the aspect that had tortured the back of Sabrina’s mind, even while they’d reaped the benefits of the deception.
“You weren’t a dupe. At least, I never thought of you as such. I thought this would help matters, and it did, didn’t it?”
He took another sip. “But I also thought it would help matters. Whether it did or not, perhaps you’ll agree it wasn’t the best idea.” Now, she could see the emotion simmering just beneath the surface of his calm veneer.
“No, it was not. Still, it brought us here, didn’t it?”
“To a place where secrets and lies are revealed and not because we shared them. We seem to suffer a lack of honesty and forthrightness. For myself, I have tried very hard—perhaps too hard—to protect you, to keep you from being overset. I resolve not to do that any longer. And you are going to have to find a way to speak your mind. I know you can do it, as evidenced from the very first night you arrived in London.” The last part carried a hint of derision.
She understood what he meant. She’d had the courage and nerve to demand he bed her every night to have a child, but she hadn’t been able to set aside her apprehension to facilitate that. Not until she’d become the tutor. Thinking about it from his perspective made her understand how he would feel—hurt, upset, perhaps even that she was afraid ofhim.
“I’m sorry for that,” she said softly. “It took me a long time to gather the courage to come here, to…change, to be the countess I need to be.” And so far, she’d utterly failed—from the ball tonight to sponsoring Cassandra, to being a wife.
Lines furrowed around his eyes, and suddenly he looked sad. “I’m sorry you saw me as such a fearsome person that you had to work so hard to approach me. I should have done more when we were first married to put you at ease. Perhaps we are not well suited after all. I am a focused…dispassionateperson. You are easily upset, anxious.” He finished his gin and stood, the empty glass dangling from his fingertips. “Let us hope you are with child by now so that we can put this unpleasantness behind us.”
She stared up at him, words freezing on her tongue before she could utter them.
“I apologize for ruining your ball by hitting Lucien.”
A humorless laugh spilled from her lips. “It was ruined before then. I’m sorry it all went so badly. I hope it won’t reflect poorly on you.”
“It will likely reflect poorly on both of us. It’s a good thing neither one of us really cares for the social whirl.” The emptiness in his eyes made her shiver. Was this the same man who’d run to her defense earlier? Who’d seduced her in her dressing chamber? Who’d shown her that love wasn’t only real but that it was possible for her to feel?
He strode past her to the cabinet, swept up a bottle on the way to his chamber, and closed the door firmly behind him. She heard the lock catch.
Did he mean for them to go their separate ways? He’d certainly implied that by saying he hoped she was already with child. She smoothed her hand over her belly.
It was very late, and she was exhausted. There would be time for them to talk, to move past this…unpleasantness. Did he really think of it like that? The past days had been the happiest of her life, far surpassing pleasant.
She had to think they could find their way back to that. Unless he was right, that they weren’t truly suited for one another.
Pressing her hand to her midsection, she thought,at least I got what I came for. Probably.
Only that was no longer enough.
Chapter 20
