Page 37 of A Rogue to Ruin
He blinked in surprise. “You will?”
“My godfather asked me to come. I hope you don’t mind.”
“Not at all.” In fact, he was glad to have someone else present who supported him.
Did she, though? The man who was about to lose everything—or nearly everything—was her godfather. How close was their relationship? “Do you think he should keep the title?” he asked. She’d rolled her eyes, but what did that mean?
“I don’t think it’s that simple. You are the rightful earl. It’s a terrible situation for everyone.” She smiled sadly. “You’ve been denied your very identity for nearly thirty years, and my godfather has spent that same amount of time living a life that didn’t really belong to him.”
She didn’tnotsupport him. But she clearly sympathized with her godfather too.
He would do well to remember that. “We’ve changed the location of the dinner. I’ll be hosting it here.” Selina hadn’t wanted Deborah in her house, and Rafe didn’t blame her. “Harry is sending word to your godfather this afternoon.”
“Mr. Sheffield is a good friend to you. I’m glad.”
Yes, he was, and Rafe was still struggling to accept that. “Apparently, his father was a friend of my father’s.” He abruptly clenched his teeth together and pushed away the emotion that always seemed to be thundering just beneath the surface.
Anne rose and came to him, her brow creased. “I’m so sorry, Rafe,” she whispered. “This has to be so difficult. But isn’t there joy too? In knowing who you are?”
She was so close. He could wrap his arms around her and pull her against him, bury himself in her scent and softness, comfort himself in her care and tenderness. It was almost painful not to.
Oh, she was much more than a friend. That was absolutely terrifying.
“Joy? I don’t know.” That wasn’t an emotion he often felt. The happiest he’d been in the past four years was when he’d reunited with Selina. But even that had been eclipsed by the fact that he’d kept her away from him for far too long. “Perhaps I’m afraid of that,” he said quietly, his voice rasping.
He was also afraid of being the center of attention, of disappointing his parents, of not being the man he should be. How could he be, given how he was raised? How he’d spent almost the entirety of his life? As a criminal and a fraud. Yes, he could play the role of earl—he was so good at pretending. But this wasn’t a sham. This was real. This was who he was supposed to be.
What if he failed?
“Oh, Rafe.” She moved closer and put her palms against his cheeks. Her brow puckered, and she quickly stripped her gloves away, heedlessly dropping them to the floor. Her bare hands touched his face, and he lost himself in her gaze. “You deserve to feel happy.”
He didn’t believe that, not after the things he’d done. “You don’t know me,” he whispered.
“I’m trying to. Iwantto. How can I help? I want to be your friend—like Harry.”
Rafe smiled at that. “Please,notlike Harry.”
She laughed softly and, standing on her toes, twined her arms around his neck, as if it were the most natural thing in the world. Rafe lightly clasped her waist. That wasn’t natural. What felt natural would be to hold her tightly to him. He didn’t do that.
“You’re going to be very popular as soon as everyone hears about your claim.”
He winced. “I’m afraid of that most of all.”
“Are you?”
“I value my privacy.” He resisted the urge to move his hands to her back. “Besides, if I’m the center of attention, you can’t very well call on me anymore—even in the company of your sister on the pretense of asking about my charitable donations.”
She grinned. “Probably not. I’ll just have to find a way to avoid notice. I’m good at not getting caught. Speaking of that, if you postpone submitting your claim until Thursday, we can still go to Magazine Day on Wednesday. I’ve procured a man’s costume as you directed.”
“Have you now?” His hands slowly crept around her waist despite his best intentions. She was far too close, and he simply couldn’t resist. “I must admit I would appreciate just a few more days of anonymity.” Besides, Harry had dispatched a clerk to Stonehaven, and they planned to wait for the man’s report before moving forward. He would not return before Magazine Day. “How will you get away?”
She lifted a shoulder as she toyed with his shirt collar. “I’ll say I’m taking a nap. You can pick me up in the Grosvenor Street mews.”
“You’ve thought this through.”
“I have.” She gave him a shrewd stare. “I like to plan.”
“I do admire a strategic mind.” He admired everything about her, from her intelligence to her passion for trying and seeing new things. She seemed rather fearless, he realized, and that was incredibly intoxicating. “Are you afraid of anything?” he asked.
