Page 88 of The Duke of Distraction
“You left me again.Why?”
He didn’t open his eyes.“To prevent a child.”
“But we’re getting married.Why does it matter?”
“We aren’t married yet.”
Sarah rolled toward him onto her side.“Should I be concerned that we won’t marry?”
He cracked his eye open then and looked at her, but only briefly.“No.”
“Is it because of what I said?”She tensed, her breath catching as she waited for his response.She hadn’t been able to contain herself.She loved him, and she wanted him to know.
“I’m not sure what you mean.”He rolled over and kissed her.
Was he being purposely obtuse or was it possible he hadn’t heard her?She wanted to make sure.Cupping his face, she stroked his cheek until he looked into her eyes.“I love you, Felix.”
His expression didn’t change.Until it did.He smiled, then kissed her again.“I’ll see you back to your room.”
She knew he’d heard her that time.He had to.What had she expected, a response of the same?
She sat up, afraid to ask what she needed to know, but realizing she must.“Felix, when you swore to never marry, did you also swear to never love?”
He sat up with her, then climbed from the other side of the bed.“I did not.”His response was halting—whether from effort or uncertainty she couldn’t tell.He picked up her night rail, then came around to her side of the bed and gave it to her.
She drew the garment over her head and settled it around her body, feeling cold.He went to fetch her dressing gown and brought that too.
Sarah slid from the bed and took the gown, pulling it on while he donned his banyan.After she tied her sash, she went toward him, moving slowly.“Does it bother you that I love you?”
“No.”He finished fastening his banyan.“Ready?”
“No.”She shook her head, feeling a myriad of emotions—bewilderment, frustration, disappointment.She hadn’t really expected him to say he loved her back, but there was something more here.What did he feel?“I realize you don’t love me now.At least I don’t think you do, otherwise you would have said so.Am I a fool to think you ever will?”
He took a breath, but it was shallow, and the pulse in his neck seemed to pick up speed.“You aren’t a fool, Sarah.Not now and not ever.Let me be honest.”
“Yes, please.I deserve that.”
“You do.”He bowed his head a moment before fixing her with a steady stare.“I don’t love anyone.I never have.And no one has ever said those words to me.”
No one hadeversaid those words?Sarah’s heart broke.She stepped toward him, her throat constricting.“Oh, Felix.”
His gaze hardened.“Please don’t.I don’t want your pity.Ican’thave it.”There was a plea in his tone and a haunting desperation in his eyes that she’d never seen before.It was the closest he’d come to displaying a deep emotion.
But then it was gone.He blinked, and it was as if the sun had pushed the clouds away and now shone brightly through the vivid green of his eyes.“It’s late, and we need to rise early.”
That much was true.She nodded, and he opened the door.She stepped over the threshold and realized he meant to come with her.He’d offered to escort her to her room.
She pivoted toward him.“I don’t need you to come.Good night, Felix.”She left before he could respond.Or maybe she simply couldn’t hear him over the deafening roar of emotion in her ears.
Back in her room, she leaned against the door, her knees buckling.She slid to the floor and landed on her rump.What hell had Felix been consigned to without anyone to love him?How had he become the jovial Duke of Distraction whom everyone admired?How was it possible that he didn’t feel loved?
She wiped at the tears stealing down her cheeks.He wassoloved, and she was going to do everything she could to make sure he knew he deserved it.
