Page 85 of The Duke of Distraction
“Now that we’re alone, you can tell me everything,” Lavinia said as soon as they sat down and the footman left after depositing their glasses of sherry on a table.“Why on earth are you marrying Felix?”
“Isn’t the better question why on earth is Felix marrying me?”Sarah chuckled softly.It wasn’t really humorous, but what else could she do in this situation?She’d forced marriage upon a man who didn’t want it.
“Probably, but I wasn’t going to ask like that.”Lavinia scooted closer to Sarah.“You had sex, didn’t you?”
“Yes, but that alone wouldn’t have prompted a wedding.Anthony walked in.”
Lavinia’s jaw dropped.“How horrifying.For everyone.”
“We’d finished.”Sarah felt it was important to clarify that part.“Still, it was obvious what we’d been doing.”
“So Felix didn’t have an accident in the stables today?”Lavinia referred to the excuse he’d given for the bruise at dinner.
Sarah shook her head.
Lavinia snorted softly.“I don’t know why he lied.It’s not as if Beck and I wouldn’t have found out.I suspect he’s telling Beck the truth of it now.And if he doesn’t, I will.On that note, I should inform you that I told Beck about you and Felix.”She winced.“We don’t keep secrets, and I was just so happy for the both of you.I truly hoped you would find a way to marry.”
Sarah opened her mouth to speak, but Lavinia continued.“And Beck said something to Felix this morning at the pond.He wasn’t overly pleased that you’d disclosed your relationship to me.”
“I see.”But he hadn’t said anything.Then again, when would he have?“Thank you for telling me.Perhaps I should stop talking to you.”
She winced again.“I’m so sorry.If you need to tell me something in strict confidence, I promise I won’t tell Beck.”
Sarah could see that would be hard for her.“I think it’s nice that you’re both so honest with each other.That’s how a marriage should be, I think.”That was how she wanted her marriage to be with Felix.But how did you have an honest marriage when one person loved the other and didn’t tell them?
Isn’t it better to keep something from someone that they don’t want to hear?
She thought he didn’t want to hear that she loved him?Maybe.
Sarah let the confusion and worry flow out of her.“Lavinia, I don’t know what to do about this.”
“About Felix?”
“His feelings about marriage haven’t changed.He’s marrying me to please Anthony.”
“And you, I hope.”
“I said no initially.I didn’t want to force him, not when I know he doesn’t want it.”She swallowed against the pain rising in her throat.“But then I realizedIwant it.I want him.”She picked at a bead sewn into the skirt of her gown.“I ran into his uncle, and he was so smug about Felix and the estate, as if he were the earl and not Felix.He had the gall to tell me I shouldn’t have designs on Felix.Why would he even think that?”
“I don’t know.”
“He said it was the way I look at Felix.Do I look at him a certain way?”
“You do now, yes.”Lavinia offered her a weak smile.“Sorry.It is rather plain to me you are besotted.”
“Besotted?”Sarah jumped up and paced away from the settee before turning back and staring at Lavinia as emotion rumbled through her.“I’m not besotted.”
Oh, yes you are.You think of him constantly.You dream of him.You can’t wait until you see him next.
Sarah put her palm over her eyes and exhaled.Then she felt Lavinia touch her shoulder.Dropping her hand, Sarah gave her best friend a look of utter despair.“I love him.”
“I know.”Lavinia pulled her into a hug.They stood there like that for a moment before she asked, “Is there a chance he loves you too?”
“How would I possibly know?Have you ever seen him display an emotion beyond amusement or mild disgust?And even the latter is from something like manure blocking a path.”
“No, I have not.It’s interesting that you mention this because Beck said something to me earlier about the same thing.He commented that he and Felix both feel very deeply.I admit I scoffed.”
Sarah stepped back and briefly pressed her hands to her flushed cheeks.“I would have too.In fact, I’m scoffing now.”
