Page 54 of The Duke of Distraction
He didn’t want to use ribbons.They were too obvious.But what if he altered the ribbons?He found several that didn’t match and then set to work gluing moss, small leaves, and rose petals on each of them.Rather than glue them to the hat, he wound them through the basket weave.
“Finished!”he declared.
“I am too,” she said, sitting back to survey her handiwork.It didn’t even really look like a hat.“How shall we determine the winner?”
“A panel of judges seems in order,” Felix said.
“Who?”
“Let me see who I can find.”He stood and went to fetch the first three members of the staff he could find.He returned with the butler, Seales, a maid, and a footman and arranged them to stand near the end of the table where she and Felix had assembled their ghastly headwear.
“Your job is to vote for the ugliest hat,” Felix said.“Are you ready?”
“Where are the hats, my lord?”Seales asked, appearing to take his assignment very seriously.
“Right here.”Felix picked up his hat and set the basket on his head.Then he attempted to tie the collection of ribbons beneath his chin.A clump of moss dropped to the floor, as did a rose petal.
He looked to the side as Sarah rounded the end of the table.She’d put on her hat, and he knew he was sunk.
She’d tied two of the ribbons beneath her chin and the rest dangled free, like some sort of wild, multi-colored hairstyle.Due to tying the ribbons, the newspaper curved around her head like an actual straw hat might have done, and the teacup sat in the place of prominence atop her crown.It almost invited one to pour tea into the vessel.Or perhaps she was collecting rainwater.Damn, her hat was both comfortable—if she was to be believed—and functional, if entirely ugly.Finally, the stocking covered her face like a veil, lending a somber appearance to the most absurd piece of headwear he’d ever seen.
“Whose hat is the most atrocious?”Felix asked, already knowing the answer.
All three retainers looked toward Sarah.“Miss Colton’s,” they each said.
Through the veil, she smiled beatifically and Felix had no choice but to howl with laughter.How he wished he were skilled at art, for he would have sketched a picture of her to remember the moment.
“I should let the lot of you go,” Felix said, smiling.“Thank you, you’re dismissed.”
The maid’s eyes grew wide.“From our employment?”
Felix shook his head in horror.“No!You’re dismissed from here.”
Her body relaxed, and she responded with a smile.“Shall I clean this up, my lord?”
“Later,” he said.
The trio left the dining room, and Felix turned to Sarah as she removed her hat.“You’re taking it off?”he asked.
“Should I wear it into town?”She laughed.“You look ridiculous.”
“Thank you.I had no chance with you.Your hat was hideous, comfortable, and functional.”
“Because it would keep the sun off my face?Yours would not,” she noted.
“Doubly functional, then.I was thinking you could collect rainwater to drink.”
She looked at the hat and giggled.The teacup promptly fell off, and Felix moved quickly to catch it.She gave him an apologetic smile, widening her eyes slightly, and he placed the cup on the table.
Felix then untied the ribbon beneath his chin and tried to pull the basket off, but pain shot through his scalp.“Ow!”
She set her hat on the table beside the teacup and stepped toward him.“What’s wrong?”
“I think it’s stuck.You were right about the glue.”
Stifling a laugh, she moved closer.“Let me help you.”She gently pushed at the hat, and he winced.“Sit down.”
He sat in the chair he’d vacated earlier, and she turned the basket around on his head.He flinched again.“Just pull it off.I’ll deal with the bald spot.”
