Page 41 of The Duke of Seduction
“No affair isn’t the same as no woman. Which is it?”
“Can’t it be both?” Beck didn’t want to discuss it for fear he’d mention Lavinia. He didn’t want to talk about her to Gage. He didn’t even want to talk about her to himself. “My friend Horace Jeffries will be by later. We’re to take a ride in the park.”
Horace was staying with his aunt while he was in town. Beck had offered his hospitality, but Horace said his aunt would be disappointed if he lodged elsewhere. Which was fine with Beck. Visitors in his home put him a bit on edge because he didn’t play with others about. Though he might have made an exception for an old friend such as Horace.
Gage took the hint and didn’t pursue the topic of women. “Very good, sir.” He turned and left, closing the door behind him since he knew Beck would likely play.
First, however, Beck opened the package from Waverly Court. Inside, he found his fossil collection, or most of it, anyway. A few larger pieces sat in his study in a case, while he’d deposited these smaller ones in this box of childhood memories.
Some were quite small, barely spanning his fingertip. Many were beautiful spirals of a shelled creature from who knew how long ago. His favorite was the largest in the box, a rock with the partial skeletal outline of a fish. He smiled, eager to share them with Lavinia.
There were other items in the box he’d forgotten about—a handful of toy soldiers, a bent stick he’d used as a pistol, a few drawings he’d made, and a small stack of letters. He flipped through them, recognizing his mother’s and father’s handwriting. Then his heart froze for a moment as he saw one in a different hand—Helen’s. He recalled that his mother had given him one of her letters as a keepsake after she’d died. He’d wanted something she’d written.
Opening the foolscap, he blew out a breath as he began to read. The missive was addressed to his mother, and in it, his half sister detailed her activities during the Season. Beck remembered his mother would spend half the Season with her in London and half at home with him in Devon. This must have been written during the part of the Season when Mother had been with him.
The letter was heartbreaking as Helen wrote about her feelings of loneliness and inadequacy. Beck had thought her beautiful and gentle—she was petite and dark-haired with a rather shy and quiet demeanor. In hindsight, he could see how she would be overlooked. Because he saw it happen to young women like her today. Which was why he’d become the Duke of Seduction, and he’d be damned if he’d regret it.
He continued reading, and his breath caught when he reached a certain passage:
Just yesterday, a pair of particularly horrid young women (SW and DC) told me I’d likely be better off if I were dead, for then I wouldn’t be a burden to my family. Am I a burden? Father says no, but if I don’t marry this Season, I will be a spinster, and then I shall be a burden for all the days to come. I am trying my best. I do think it might be working. There is one gentleman who has asked me to dance twice now—at Almack’s the other night and again last night at the Wendover ball. He’s charming and handsome and so kind. I am trying not to have high hopes, but it is nice to have a small beacon of encouragement.
The letter finished shortly thereafter, and Beck found himself rereading that section three more times. Anger roiled through him, and he was careful not to crumple the foolscap. He gently folded it and returned the letter to the box.
Beck sat back in his chair and stared, unseeing, across the room. Who were SW and DC? Two young women. Who were not so young anymore, since that was sixteen years ago. They’d be older than Beck. But they were likely still in Society. He’d find someone who was on the scene in 1802, and he’d hunt down SW and DC.
And then what?
He clenched his jaw. He wanted to rail at them, to make sure they knew that those thoughtless words had changed—nay, ended—a life. No one knew what had really happened to Helen, but oh, how he wanted them to. He wanted them to know and to fester in guilt and regret.
But he couldn’t do that. Not without disclosing what Helen had done. And no one could know that.
Gradually, his eyes focused on his guitars. He stood and crossed the room, his insides churning with fury and despair. He picked up an instrument and began to play. It wasn’t the cheery music Gage had requested. This was dark and wrapped in emotion—a tangle he wasn’t sure he could work out.
Beck completely lost himself, surfacing only when Gage opened the door. The butler had that slightly uncomfortable look he reserved for when he had to interrupt. “I beg your pardon, my lord. Mr. Jeffries is here.”
Damn, it was that late already? Beck really had submerged himself. “Thank you. Show him into the drawing room. I’ll run upstairs to change.”
After setting his guitar down, Beck raced up the back stairs to his chambers on the second floor and quickly changed with the assistance of his part-time valet, whom Gage had clearly sent up directly from the lower level where he served as a part-time footman.
A short time later, Beck strolled into the drawing room and smiled at his friend. “My apologies, Horace, I was caught up.”
Horace chuckled, his dark brows waggling. “I’m familiar with how that happens. How many times did you keep us waiting at school because you weren’t quite finished playing?”
“Too many to count.” Beck had heard another student play guitar shortly after arriving at Oxford and fallen in love with the sound. He’d purchased his own instrument and begged that student to teach him to play. Soon, he was on his own, picking out the most atrocious of melodies. “Shall we head to the park?”
“You said you’ve an extra mount for me?” Horace asked.
“Yes, I’m sure they’ll be out front directly, if they aren’t already.” Gage, in his exceeding efficiency, would have seen to it.
Horace slid him a cautious glance. “Do you think Lady Lavinia will be at the park?”
“Probably. I’ve seen her there a few times.” Probably? He counted on her being there. He realized she was the best thing about the park. She was so much more interesting andrealthan just about anyone else in Society.
“Then perhaps we shouldn’t go,” Horace said.
Beck stopped as they moved into the hall. “You don’t want to see her? I thought your introduction went well?” They’d left the rout last night and met up with Ware and a few other gentlemen at the club.
“It did. I’m just…” His neck colored a bit and he glanced away. “I’m not very skilled at this courtship business. I’m not entirely sure I’m marriage material.”
