Page 84 of The Duke of Ice
Simon goggled at him and ran a hand through his hair, sending it straight up from the top of his head. “This is unimaginable.” He barely waited for Nick’s nod before raging on. “How did you determine you wouldn’t suit?Ifyou’d truly tried, as you say you did, I simply can’t believe that’s true.” He moved close enough to Nick to jab him in the chest, which he did. “What did you fuckingdo?”
The emotion he’d struggled to bury since Violet’s accident erupted out of him. He shoved Simon, sending him stumbling backward. “I was a coward! She got hurt—badly—and I feared she would die. Icannotgo through that again.”
“Because you love her.”
“Desperately.” The pain was so keen that he doubled over, sucking in a deep breath to try to right his equilibrium. “So desperately,” he whispered brokenly.
Simon’s arm came around his shoulders, and he guided Nick to a high-backed chair near the fireplace.
Nick sank down onto the cushion, his head bent as tears tracked from his eyes and dropped to the carpet. The wetness on his face was so foreign, and yet it felt so damnedgood.
Simon stood at his side, his hand a comfort on Nick’s shoulder. After a few minutes, Simon coughed. “I understand your fear—I really do. But why on earth you thought marrying Miss Kingman was an acceptable solution is beyond my comprehension. You’ve made a goddamned mess of things.”
Yes, he had. He’d spent the last five days torturing himself but not seeing a way to fix it.
Nick wiped his hand over his face and leaned his head back against the chair. Staring at the ceiling, he gave in to the anguish, realizing—too late—that the loss he’d tried to avoid had found him anyway. He’d been a fool to think he could control his feelings.
“Violet won’t want me. She loved who I was eight years ago, not this shell of a man I am now.”
“You are not a shell.” Simon tipped his head from side to side, reconsidering. “Perhaps you are abitof a shell, but I think you’re filling in the holes again. It may take time, but there is no one better suited to help you with that than Violet.”
Nick looked at his friend. “What if she doesn’t want to?”
“Then you’ll be in a sorry state, and I’ll help you pick up the pieces. But shewillwant to. She loves you. And you love her.” Simon squared his shoulders. “That just leaves the matter of Miss Kingman. Allow me to handle that.”
Nick eyed him warily. “How? She doesn’t deserve ruination.”
Simon’s nostrils flared. “Because I’ll ruin her? I suppose thatiswhat I’m known for.”
Nick flinched, his shoulders twitching. “That was a poor word choice. You arenotknown for that.”
“Not for ruining young women, but why not expand my depravity?” Simon shrugged, as if his reputation didn’t matter at all.
“This isn’t a joking matter, Simon. For me to cry off will cast Miss Kingman in an unfavorable light.”
“I imagine her parents will be furious,” Simon said.
No doubt. And given what Nick knew of her circumstances, she’d have even less choice than she’d had before he’d rescued her. Nick frowned at Simon. “They may try to force her into something terrible. She’ll want to get away, I imagine.”
“Leave it to me,” Simon said. His eyes glinted with determination, and he squeezed Nick’s shoulder before letting go. “Now tell me what you’re going to do about Violet. Might I suggest going immediately to Bath and telling her what a daft prick you’ve been and begging her forgiveness?”
Nick sat forward in the chair, a combination of anticipation and dread thrumming through his veins. “I’ve botched this rather horribly. She may not want me.”
“She may not. Will you take the risk?”
The pain of his losses reared in his mind, but he shoved it aside and found the joy he’d shared with Violet. “Absolutely.”
Simon’s lips spread into a satisfied smile. “Go. Trust me to handle Miss Kingman.”
There was no one Nick trusted more. Other than Violet, and he’d done a terrible job of actually doing that. He should have told her what he was feeling, and he damn well shouldn’t have cowered in London. “Thank you. I’m not sure I deserve a friend like you.”
“I told you long ago that we deserved each other,” Simon said dryly. He walked to the door but looked back at Nick before he left. “Give my love to Violet.”
Nick nodded, his gaze fixed on the hearth long after Simon had quit the room. Yes, he’d give Violet Simon’s love, but only after he offered her his first. He could only hope she’d want it.
Chapter 18
“How are you feeling?” Chalke asked as Violet came in from the garden. It was quite cold, even for the first week of December, and she wondered if it might snow.
