Page 19 of Her Grumpy Cowboy
But through it all—every nail driven, every job crossed off—I keep thinking about Angel.
I hang back in the doorway of the bunkhouse for a minute, letting the warmth hit my face and the familiar voices settle somewhere deep in my chest.It’s been a long time since I stepped foot in here.Longer still since I felt like I belonged anywhere.But the chili smells the same.So does the lemon polish Mary uses on every square inch of this place.
The others don’t notice me at first—Nate comes in with Rudy, his chocolate Labrador, at his heels.Dallas stomps snow off his boots.Cole dishes out bowls of chili like a man on a mission.It’s all achingly familiar.Almost enough to make me wish I hadn’t stayed away so long.
I keep to the edge of the room, letting the banter wash over me.Nate grins like he’s got a secret, and it doesn’t take long before he admits it’s about Callie.He’s in deep.Not that I’m surprised.I’ve seen that look before.It’s the same one I catch in the mirror sometimes, when I let myself think about Angel longer than I should.
Dallas starts in with his story about Ginger—something about a striped candy cane dildo and a mishap at the post office.The guys rib each other like no time has passed, but I watch more than I speak.Cole still has that quiet weight about him.He’s been through hell, same as me, and he doesn’t need words to express it.Dallas is all noise and heart.Nate is steady and focused.
I sit at the table, letting Cole’s chili warm my belly.Listen while they talk about the pranks we pulled as kids—the scarecrows we turned into Dolly Parton with jumbo-sized toilet rolls and blonde wigs, and the jingle bells we zip-tied to every cow’s tail at the Miller farm.The herd sounded like a deranged sleigh ride for a week.I laugh quietly as we reminisce.Things weren’t all bad—I have a lot of good memories with these guys to counter the bad ones.
When Dallas leans back and talks about plans for his girl, Ginger, the ache returns.That not-quite-pain that says maybeIhave something worth reaching for.A need I haven’t fed in years.Not just sex.Her.Her body under mine, her voice in my ear, her hands in my hair.I didn’t realize how badly I wanted tobe wanteduntil she looked at me like I was something worth keeping.
Later, when Nate stands to leave with Rudy, I follow him out into the snow.
Nate doesn’t say anything, falling into step beside me like he used to when we were kids—no pressure, no expectations, just company when you need it.
We walk in silence for a while, our boots crunching on fresh snow, Rudy bounding ahead.The Christmas lights twinkle on the ranch house, and smoke curls from the chimney.
“You’re quiet,” Nate says finally.
I huff a soft laugh.“I’m always quiet.”
“Quieter than usual.You good?”
“Still deciding.”I glance at him.“You?”
He nods, and his eyes soften.“Yeah, I am.I’ve fallen for Callie.”
I stop walking.“That fast?”
He shrugs.“It’s not fast when it’s right.”
I chew that over, watching my breath fog the air.
“She’s everything,” he says simply.“And Danny… that kid’s changed me.I didn’t know I had this much room in me for someone else.”
I nod, not trusting myself to speak right away.
After a minute, I say, “Angel’s got me twisted up.”
Nate doesn’t ask who Angel is.He just waits.
“I… told her some of it,” I confess gruffly.“She didn’t look away.Didn’t look at me like I was broken.She’s got this quiet way of seeing things.And when she looks at me… it’s like she sees a version of me I forgot existed.”I shove my hands deeper into my coat pockets.“I don’t know how to do this, Nate.Emotions.Feelings.Relationships.I don’t know how to sit still and let someone in.”
The wind shifts, tossing snowflakes around like confetti.
I let out a ragged breath.“She makes the noise stop.”
“Because she means something to you.”
I clear my throat.“She means everything.And that’s what terrifies me.”
He nods as if he understands exactly what I mean.“We came from the same place, Grady.We got handed the same busted compass.But Mary and Christopher taught us how to point it somewhere better.You’re allowed to want more.You’re allowed to stay.”
We fall into silence again, not because there’s nothing left to say, but because some things don’t need to be explained between brothers.Especially not the kind who survived the circumstances they were born into.
Nate breaks the silence first.“You know what helped me most?Figuring out I didn’t have to protect myself from love.Just had to protect the people I lovewitheverything I’ve got.”
