Page 147 of Moonlighter
“Why not? You did.”
“I give you five minutes, tops. Ten if you read the introduction.”
He opens the book then peers at me over the top of it. “You think I’m not man enough to read about childbirth? Like I can’t handle it?”
“You’ll see,” I promise.
I go back to my own book. But a few minutes later he makes a small gagging sound.
“Uh huh,” I say. “What was it that got to you?”
“Mucus plug.”
“Keep reading, big boy. You haven’t gotten to placentas yet.”
“I can take it,” he says, sounding a little smug.
“There’s a chapter about eating your own placenta.”
“What?”he yelps. “You’re just fucking with me now.”
“You wish, tough guy.”
“Do you have a birth plan?” he asks.
“No.”
“It says here you need one.”
“I have eighteen days,” I point out. “And I haven’t figured out if I want an epidural. That’s chapter three.”
“Hmm,” he says, flipping pages.
We go back to reading, but my back is killing me. I spend an inordinate amount of time adjusting my pillows.
“You okay?” Eric asks.
“Sure. My back just aches. I’ve been spending a lot of time on my feet.”
He looks at me over the top of the book. “That’s a sign of early labor.”
“Really? You’re on page fifty, and you’re an expert now?” Just like a man.
“Hey, Bingley?” he says.
“Yes, my liege!”
“For a pregnant woman, what are the signs of early labor?”
Oh, this is rich. He’s using my own butler against me?
“My lord, some signs of early labor include: fluid leaking from the vagina, cramping, and lower back pain.”
“Thank you, Bingley.” He closes the book. “Is it your lower back?”
“Well, sure,” I grumble. “But doesn’t your lower back ache sometimes?”
Eric shakes his head slowly.
