Page 43 of Unraveling Rain
“Rain, how are you?” Savannah smiles through the screen, and I give her a small wave.
“I’m good. Thank you so much for squeezing me into your schedule.”
She waves me off. “We don’t have many patients at the moment, so it wasn’t difficult.” She pauses, adjusting her glasses. I see her reach for a notepad, then she looks back at me. “Before we start, I just want to say that everything you share with me is strictly confidential. Nothing leaves this space.”
Ruin told me she was a professional, but hearing it from Savannah’s lips brings a wave of relief.
“Thank you. It’s not that I don’t trust my sister. It’s just that some things are private.”
“No need to explain,” she says, her face calm and unreadable.
“Alright,” I shift in my seat. “I’m just going to let it all out.”
Savannah gives a small nod to let me know she’s listening.
I inhale deeply, then exhale. My fingers tremble as I take a big gulp of water. I’ve never said this out loud to anyone.
“Ten years ago, I was sexually assaulted by my then-boyfriend.” I pause, trying to push those horrible memories away. “I never told anyone. Only one of my siblings knows, because they saw him trying to dump me at our farm gate.”
Savannah jots something down, so I keep going.
“Ever since that incident, I’ve never felt comfortable enough with a guy. Not emotionally, not physically.” I pause, swallowing hard. “The few times I’ve tried to have a relationship, I’ve never been able to share about my past, so things get awkward because I can’t be intimate.
I take a breath, a nervous smile tugging at the corner of my mouth. “What I’m going to say next might sound a little crazy… but I met this guy, and it’s been so easy to spend time with him.”
A small smile softens Savannah’s expression as she continues writing.
“We just met, so I have no business thinking about the future, but he makes me feel things I haven’t felt before.”
“Is there anything wrong with him?” she asks.
I frown, confused. “What do you mean?”
“I guess I’m wondering why you’re bringing him up if you’ve just met him.”
Tears well up, no matter how hard I try to stop them. “There’s nothing wrong with him,” I whisper. “It’s me.”
“We had the most amazing first kiss. But right in the middle of it, while I was getting lost in him, my abuser came to my mind. I didn’t expect it. I didn’t want it.”
I close my eyes, remembering how I almost told Xander under the waterfalls—the real reason I couldn’t hook up with him. It wasn’t just nerves or timing. It was because I was assaulted, and since then, I haven’t been able to be with anyone. Not fully. Not without fear.
“Do you think the kiss brought up the memories?” Savannah asks. “Has this ever happened before?”
I shake my head, willing my tears to stay put.
“What do you think triggered them, then?”
I exhale slowly, my voice barely above a whisper. “I wish I knew. Dennis, my ex, wasn’t always bad. At first, he was caring, sweet. Maybe my brain wanted to remind me that last time I trusted a guy…” My words trail off as I can’t contain my tears anymore.
“Rain,” Savannah says gently.
After a few beats, I look at her.
“The assault you were a victim of wasn’t your fault.”
She lets the words sit in the silence. No rush. Just space. And in that space, I start to believe her.
Deep down, I know she’s right. But the guilt and shame tied to that night have haunted me for so long, it’s hard to let them go.
