Page 13 of The Love Scam
“Of course they do. Nowthatmakes sense. Because you definitely look like a Delaney.”
“Yeah? What’s a Delaney look like?”
“Uh…”
“Too tall, with a big mouth and tiny eyes, and big feet with absurdly small hands?” But she said it matter-of-factly. There were roughly eight thousand more important things in life to worry about than her looks.
“Well… notabsurdlysmall…” His gaze dropped to her hands anyway. “Not, uh, Dooneese onSNLsmall.”
“Who?”
“Kristen Wiig? Played a character with a big forehead and a snaggletooth and tiny weird doll hands onSaturday Night Live?”
“Are we seriously talking about this when you should be worrying about having a daughter but not having money or an ID?”
“Hey, you’re right!” At once, he was irritated all over again.“So you just let me do all that stupid stuff? Agh, shit, sorry. You’re not my babysitter.”
Wrong.“Right.”
“I’m normally way more charming than this.”
“I don’t doubt it.” And she didn’t. Even drunk off his ass, Rake had something that pulled people in. “Anyway, as the song says, you were once lost but now you are found. In Venice.”
He frowned. “You saw me in Lake Como as well as here? Quite a coincidence.”
“Yes,” she agreed, straight-faced. “Americans never go to Lake Como and Venice.”
“No, I mean… how’d you even know where to look?”
“Well…”
“Are you a private detective or something?”
“Um…”
Seven
“Y’know what city fuck—fuckin’ rules? Fucking Venice! Okay, it’s just like a regular city with roads, but see, the thing is—it’s old! And no roads! Just water! All of it! Goddamned place is drowning, and they even have water buses, y’know, the vaporettos? Cuz, again: water!C’est merveilleux!No, wait, wrong language—è meravigliosa! That’s it, right? So Venice, and all the water—I’m gonna—I’m gonna go there. I mean—I’m not s’pose to. There’s kind of a ban, but who keeps track of that stuff? Cuz I like Venice, though it’s weird. Maybe ’cause it’s weird an’ I wanna go back, I think. I like the water streets. And the guys who drive the boats! They always have the best stories. S’different, y’know? Venice! Fucking Venice, here I come!”
Eight
“Oh myGod.”
She had to give it to him, he sounded pretty appalled.
“Well,” Lillith said, “you weren’t wrong. Venice is great!”
“I hope you picked up on the irony of loving ‘fucking Venice’ because of the water—”
“I know.”
“—and then when you got here—”
“I get the irony!”
“Plop! Into the drink with you.”
“Just stop now. God, this,thisis why vermouth is the devil’s urine.”
