Page 107 of Deja New
“I had to protect—”
“Your secret. That was your primary motivation. I was stupid enough to think grief was making you selfish. I closed my eyes toeverything.Jason was right, one assumption led to a huge mistake, which led to years of reinforcing that mistake.”
“You were too young, it would have damaged you, the—”
“Stop it. You were afraid we’d recognize him. Maybe not Jack and Mitchell, they were pretty young when Dennis was murdered. But some of us were old enough. We would have known Inmate #26166 wasn’t Dennis Drake. That’s why you kept us away. Anything else is one of those family myths you pretend to have no use for.”
Angela had stopped pacing and simply stood and looked at her mother. She’d always understood Emma was selfish andvindictive, but this was pathological. And it sure as shit wasn’t grief. Angela wasn’t sure if it wasevergrief. “You know you’ve broken any number of laws, right?”
Shrug.
“And I’ll be having a chat with Dad?”
“You can’t,” Emma replied in that smug, triumphant tone Angela wanted to throttle out of her body.Fooled you, the tone said.Still fooling you.“He won’t see you anymore.”
“Mom. Look at me. Look at my face. Do you think anyone can keep me out, now that I know what I know? Do you think I won’t talk to the DA?”
“It won’t be as easy as—”
“The hardest part is seeing the big lie, since you and Dad hid it right in front of everyone all this time. But once you understand the lie, the rest of your lame-ass story falls apart. And I promise you this: Once the system gets clued in, everything you worked for will be undone.”
It was gratifying to see the smug replaced with a scowl. “You wasted so much of your life.”
“Back atcha, Mom.Right back at you.Look at yourself. You’re so invested in the myth, even now, that rather than being glad for a chance to set the record straight, you still want to keep your head down and keeping playing the Widow Drake.”
“I knew you wouldn’t understand.”
“It’s hilarious that you’re saying ‘I should have known you wouldn’t understand my psychotic need for revenge and my inability to take responsibility for this mess’ like it’s a bad thing. Like it’s a character flaw I should feel bad about and try to overcome.”
“It’s not my mess,” she insisted. “It’s his.”
“Wrong. Again. It’s ours, all of ours. You won’t take your share of the weight, so we’ll have to.” She doubted Emma was looking ahead. That wasn’t her mother’s strong suit. But her children and nephews wouldn’t live with her after this. How could they?
So even if Emma didn’t go to jail, the life she had was over. They’d all move, or she would. The support system Emma had built around herself would shatter. Christmas was officially ruined, probably for the next ten years.
And for what?
Emma wasn’t looking at her anymore. It could have been the sun. Or her conscience, pricking her at last.
No, definitely the sun.
For a moment she imagined seizing her mother by the throat and wrestling her down the bank by the footbridge and tripping her and holding her head under the water and kneeling on her face until the thrashing stopped. The vision was clearer than any dream and the scariest part was how doable it was. She could overpower her mother. Jason might not get there in time.
Sure. Another Drake in prison for manslaughter, whose selfish act left the family in even more dire straits. Great plan, dumbass.
So Angela pushed away the sunny daydream and focused on the present. “You told me—told yourself—that you always loved Dad, but never more than when he went to prison for you.”
Emma managed a smile. “I’m glad you understand some of it.”
“Don’t be glad. You’re the one who doesn’t understand. He didn’t go to prison for you. And he sure as shit didn’t go out oflove. He went because the person he loved best was dead. His escape hatch was gone. He never gave a shit about you—”
“You’re wr—”
“Which he proved when he practically sprinted into a prison cell. And he hasn’t changed his mind, Mom. Not in ten years. Think about it. Every hour of every day, he is showing you that life in prison is preferable to life with you.”
She opened her mouth... then shrugged and looked away.
“Do you know what is honest to God the most aggravating thing?” Angela kicked at a tuft of grass. “Jason and I wasted all that time cleaning a tombstone that wasn’t even my dad’s! If I’d known he wasn’t dead, we could have gotten straight to the picnic! And the napping!”
