Page 91 of For Butter or Worse
Nina:Yes?
Leo:I’m so sorry.
Nina:Me, too.
Three Months Later
35
LEO
Leo’s fingerstap-tap-tappedagainst the arm of the leather chair. There was an open window, and he could smell lavender from the bushes outside. He rubbed his shoes against the plush, powder-blue carpet. Across the room, he focused on an antique clock that ticked away the minutes and seconds. When he licked his lips, he could still taste the espresso he’d had on the ride over.
“Have you located your five senses?” his therapist, Meredith, asked.
“Yes.” Leo turned to face her. “I smelled the lavender, touched the carpet, heard the clock, tasted espresso and am staring at you. I’m officially grounded.”
His therapist let out a pity chuckle. “Excellent.”
Being in the present was difficult for Leo, according to Meredith. So their sessions started with a grounding exercise to try and silence the cacophony of thoughts that swirled around his skull.
Nina.
Pick up the dry cleaning. They keep texting.
Nina’s mouth.
Brainstorm new ways to market Vinny’s. Seriously, “Will You Be My Vinny-tine?” for Valentine’s Day is cute, but you can do better.
Can’t ever order anything with cinnamon. Ever.
Stop thinking about Nina, you unbelievable jackass.
“How are you feeling today?” Meredith sat across from Leo in a matching leather chair, a notepad in her lap. Leo often had the urge to stand up and see if his therapist actually took notes or just made doodles.
“Good.”A lie.“Just trying to focus on work.”Truth, but cannot focus because of Nina.
“Have you been having a hard time doing that?” Meredith asked blandly.
Leo made an angry little fist. Of course, he’d had a hard time. He was seeing a therapist, wasn’t he? What kind of a question was that?
“I see you’re tense, let’s talk about why,” Meredith continued.
He was tense because he was ready to move on from Nina, but he couldn’t. This was his sixth session, and so far he’d successfully avoided mentioning her. He’d talked about his brother, his mom and his people-pleasing problem. He briefly brought up losing his dad, but then shepherded them to the safer topic of Vinny’s, in general. And, of course, the reason he was here in the first place—his panic attacks.
“Something is clearly on your mind,” Meredith said, interrupting his thoughts. “These sessions are confidential. You don’t have to talk to me, but with the amount you’re paying for this hour, you might as well.”
Maybe discussing Ninawasworth it. After all, she was the person who had encouraged him to be more open and honest with who he was. He wanted to be better for himself and for Nina, even if she’d never witness the transformation. He would try. For her.
But he wasn’t going to talk about her today—his feelings were still too raw—though he did have another item on his mind. “I’m a little anxious about my mom coming.” Leo pursed his lips.
“That’s understandable. Family sessions can be difficult,” Meredith said.
One thing thathadbeen helpful through therapy was getting to the root of his triggers. Being overworked was top of the list, and he needed to discuss a new way forward with his mom if he had any chance of helping himself. So Meredith had suggested they bring Donna in for a family session. She could act as mediator and guide Leo through the process of finally setting boundaries with his mom.
A knock at Meredith’s office door signaled Donna’s arrival. Leo straightened in his chair and sipped from the water bottle at his side.
“Ready?” Meredith asked Leo.
